


Giving Up Slowly

by Shells19



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcohol, Divorce, Drugs, I can't think of anything else, I hope that's not considered a spoiler ..., Loki is about seventeen, M/M, Odin is a freaking douche-bag, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Smoking, Tony is an amazing best friend, You'll know why
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-19
Updated: 2014-04-28
Packaged: 2018-01-16 07:36:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1337311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shells19/pseuds/Shells19
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not everything is well in the Odinson house. His brother gone and his parents in the mist of a divorce, Loki finds himself trapped in an environment full of stress, anxiety, and loneliness. Taking matters into his own hands has only deepened the hole he finds himself in, making it that much difficult to escape. And Loki soon finds that home isn't as safe as he previous assumed. AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Locked Inside that House

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cassy27](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cassy27/gifts).



            Loki often wondered why he didn’t just run away, because surely the hardships on the streets would be better than the tension that was suffocating him inside his very own home. His parents were in the midst of a divorce and neither Odin nor Frigga was willing to give up their rights or entitlements to the house. So they were still living together, too stubborn to be the one to walk away, and each day it felt as though Loki was walking on pins and needles, never knowing what was going to happen or who was going to snap and when. Loki woke up exhausted every morning.

            Emerald green eyes were currently shifting between mother and father, seeing how stiff both were by just being close to one another. Frigga’s shoulders were set, her kind blue eyes pointedly veering off whenever she could see Odin in her peripheral vision. It was strange, even after so many years, to see his mother look so flustered and angry when she had always been cheerful and so full of life. To see Odin look cross and short wasn’t much of a surprise, but it was worse now – much worse. His icy blue eye seemed to penetrate through all that he looked at and Loki knew all too well how that felt like, especially now. The stress of the divorce was getting to the both of them and Loki could not wait until it was done and over with so things could get back to normal – or as normal as could be expected.

            “Are you all right, sweetie?”

            The sound of Frigga’s voice broke him out of his thoughts. Blinking, Loki wondered how long he must have been sitting there with a spoonful of cereal halfway to his mouth. Clearing his throat, Loki nodded his head and put the cereal in his mouth, chewing without tasting. He had long since lost the want for food. His parents were too concerned with fighting over what they wanted in the divorce to fully pay attention to Loki and his lack of appetite, but he didn’t want to risk them noticing.

            “I’m fine, mother,” Loki replied, smiling when Frigga reached over and placed her hand on top of his.

            “You’re growing up so fast. I hate it,” Standing, Frigga wrapped her arms around Loki, pulling him close. It never ceased to surprise her how much he had grown. It was sad in a way, knowing that their time together was dwindling, knowing that it wouldn’t be long until he graduated and began applying for college. But she was so proud of him. “I wish I could turn back the clock and keep you small. You were such a tiny baby.”

            “Yes, well, he’s not a baby anymore, so stop coddling him and treating him like a child. He’s a man now – he doesn’t need his mother trying to shove him back in the womb,” Odin snapped irritably, throwing a glare at the two of them. He forcefully pushed his chair back, the legs scraping against the hardwood flooring as he stood and went to the coffee-pot. He slammed his cup down on the counter. “I’m sick and damn tired of you babying him. You already fucked up Thor. I’m trying to save our last one.”

            “Don’t you dare, you bastard!” Frigga shrieked, ripping herself from Loki, shock and rage flushing her face. It was a strange and almost frightening sight to behold, one that had Loki sitting back as far in his seat as possible. “You broke this family! You are the reason Thor left!”

            “Yes, yes, I’m the reason, Frigga. I’m the fucking reason!” Odin roared, slapping the cup off the counter. He returned the glare and somehow that one eye was more ominous and frightening. “I am not the one suffocating them! How are they to be men when you treat them as though they break?”

            “Oh, stop it,” Frigga shot, not at all backing down. Loki envied her. Odin was terrifying when he was angry.

            “Yes, it will stop when I’ve taken custody of him.”

            Frigga’s actions shocked Loki, causing him to jump from his place at the kitchen-table and take several steps back. It was so out of character, so not like his mother that Loki even wondered if it actually happened. But it did, and the fury in Frigga’s eyes was enough proof of that. She had picked up her own coffee-cup and threw it at Odin. The only reason why it hit the wall and shattered was because he ducked out of the way. And the look he was giving her was enough to make Loki take a few steps towards his mother. He wouldn’t hurt her, would he …?

            The few steps he took caused Odin’s icy blue eye to snap to Loki. “Get out now!” And that was enough to have him fleeing to his room.

            The screaming didn’t stop or lower. If anything, their voices rose the higher Loki got in the house. He got to his room and closed the door, pressing his back to it. It didn’t stop for the longest time. The house sounded as though it was getting torn apart with how much noise he could hear crashing around. But eventually the house fell silent and Loki knew that they had both left to go to work. And that was fine with him. Stepping away from the door, Loki walked to the far side of the room and crouched down, easily locating the loose floor-board.

            Sitting down on the floor, Loki pulled out a pack of heroin and tossed it on a floor-mat, his heart hammering in his chest. He could feel a cold sweat creeping over his skin, could feel his temples throb. He liked to pretend in those moments that he had the control that he could put the drugs back under the floor-boards and forget about them, but he would only be lying to himself. Then again, he _was_ pretty good at that.

            Still, his parents were gone and he had several hours alone, so … letting out a resigned sigh, Loki snatched the pack up and soon forgot.

-x- -x- -x-

            The view was ridiculous. Loki was never all that crazy about the ocean. He always thought it was just over-rated, but he had to admit that the sound of the waves crashing against the rocky cliffs was relaxing.

            He never took too much heroin at one time, so when he felt the effects start to wear off, Tony Stark was the man he called. An hour later, Loki was sitting on his roof with a beer in hand. The two met about a year after Loki and his family moved to Malibu from London, England. They seemed to gravitate towards each other as trouble often did and, a few well-played pranks later, Tony and Loki had been inseparable ever since.

            Tony knew about the divorce. He knew how stressful it was, how much anxiety it gave Loki. He even knew about the drugs and, even though he didn’t like it, he never probed. That was one of the many reasons why Loki liked Tony so much – he didn’t ask stupid questions.

            “My head feels like it’s going to explode,” Loki sighed. He squinted, the sun bright.

            “Stop drinking then,” Tony replied, grinning at the glare that was sent his way. He shrugged and took a swig of his own beer. “Just a helpful suggestion, is all.”

            “Not so helpful,” Loki shot back, but put the bottle down nonetheless. He grabbed the pack of cigarettes that was next to his hip before pulling one out and tossing the rest to Tony, who did the same. The lighter was next to be passed around and soon Loki was taking a drag, his eyes falling shut as the effects of the nicotine washed over him, relaxing him even more. The throbbing in his temples even seemed to lessen. “I’m just so sick of being in that house.”

            “Move in here. There’s plenty of room and Howard won’t even notice.”

            Another reason why he and Tony got along so well was because he knew what it was like to have such a screwed up family. While Loki’s parents were constantly at each other’s throats, Tony hardly ever saw his.

            “Tempting offer,” Loki mused. Life would be much simpler. He wouldn’t have to deal with the fighting or the shouting. Arguments between his mother and father could become cataclysmic. Loki was briefly reminded of a time when a fight became so severe Thor had to shield his mother from Odin, who was getting ready to punch her. It was a terrifying day.

            Thor left not too long after.

            “You said that last time I offered,” Tony commented, exhaling smoke from his nose before drinking from his beer bottle.

            Loki was quiet for a long time before saying: “I can’t leave her.”

            “Yeah,” Tony turned his gaze to the sparkling ocean. “You said that last time, too.”

            But Tony wasn’t angry. He understood.

-x- -x- -x-

            It was late when Loki got back home and he briefly wondered if his parents had even notice his absence. It wasn’t uncommon for him to spend all of his time in his bedroom, coming out only to get something to eat or stretch his legs. Frigga would make a habit of coming up to check on him, so there was a possibility that she had been aware of his lack of presence. It was also late, and Loki secretly hoped that his mother and father were already in bed sleeping.

            There was a note taped to his door, but Loki wasn’t in the mood to read it. Why should he take the time to pay attention to them when they weren’t even paying attention to him? Loki was aware of how childish and ridiculous it made him sound, but at the moment, he didn’t care. He shrugged off his jacket and tossed it and the note on top of his desk.

            He was just about to take a quick shower before bed when he heard his bedroom door open. Poking his head from the bathroom, Loki glared at his father. “It’s called knocking – you might want to try it sometime,” He snarled before he was able to get a good look at the man. He was wearing a suit still, as though he’d just gotten home, but what Loki really noticed was the strange look in his eye – something akin to regret and determination. It was confusing and puzzling. “What’s wrong? What is it? Is mother all right?” Loki asked as he stepped out of the bathroom.

            At the mention of Frigga, Odin’s gaze darkened. He closed the door behind him and locked it, though hiding the action from Loki. “There is a lot wrong with that bitch,” He said, coming towards his son. “Come here. Come here!”

            Shocked, Loki took two steps towards his father before his upper arm was grabbed and he was pulled the rest of the way. It was right before he was turned around, facing away from his father did he notice the belt. Was he about to get beat? He was just about to question when suddenly, his arms were grabbed and forced behind his back. The belt was wrapped around his wrists, Loki twisting to see his father tightening the leather, trapping them together.

            Loki started to jerk at his wrists, not understanding what was happening or why Odin was doing this. His father only jerked at the straps, the leather pinching at his skin, making him hiss. “Stop fighting me,” He snarled.

            “What are you doing?” Loki asked as he fell still, his eyes watching as Odin knotted the belt up. He knew without trying that he wouldn’t be able to get free until Odin released him.

            “Toughening you up,” Odin’s reply came. He reached around Loki and started messing with the buttons of his jeans. Loki’s head was spinning and his heart started racing and he had no idea what Odin was doing or attempting to do, but it needed to stop _now_.

            “ _What are you doing?_ ” Loki shrieked in shock, jerking at his wrists and stepping away from his father, his emerald green eyes wide.

            Cursing under his breath, Odin grabbed Loki around the waist and dragged him towards the bed, flinging him down onto it. Loki landed on his stomach and, before he could even think of moving, his father was on top of his bound hands. He opened his mouth to speak, to demand and question what his father was even doing, but fabric was suddenly pressed against his lips, preventing him from getting out a word. He realised that it was his father’s tie that he used to gag him.

            His hips were lifted and Odin’s hands were successful in undoing the button and zipper of his jeans. Loki whimpered as both his pants and boxers were removed, his heart pounding and his anxiety rising with each passing second. He tried to scream, but the tie was wrapped so tightly around his mouth, he couldn’t even part his lips.

            But what caused the tears to well up, what caused him to choke back a sob was the sound of Odin pulling his pants down, as well, because whatever denial Loki was trying to create for the situation was ruined now. He knew exactly what was going to happen to him and he yanked and pulled at his wrists, knowing that the act was futile, but too shocked to simply lie there while his father assaulted him.

            “Now stop fighting me, Loki,” His father said, voice thick and husky. There was a slippery sound, Odin’s breath getting heavy and Loki gasped and shouted in panic, the sound muffled, when his legs were forced apart. “Don’t cry, boy. Just take it.”

            And that was all the warning he got before he felt his father pushing into him, his muscles screaming in protest to the intrusion. He gasped and gave a stifled scream, his wrists straining against the belt, but Odin merely grabbed a hold of his bound hands, putting a stop to that. There was no protection, no lube, no anything. It was dry and the only thing that _might_ ease the pain was his blood.

            “Stop struggling,” Odin growled.

            And Loki did. His body remained tense and he was forced up the bed as his father – _his father_ – continued to thrust inside of him. It was like a painful cramp that tore him apart and ripped him open from the inside out. But he didn’t fight and the only noise that filled the room was Loki’s choking sobs and the sound of skin slapping against skin.

            It finally stopped, Odin’s hips pressed up against his ass. Another pressure started to fill him and Loki moaned in discomfort when he felt it slide down the insides of his thighs.

            “Stop crying, Loki,” Odin said when he pulled out.

            Loki could hear his father wandering around the room before the door was unlocked and opened and then closed once more. Despite Odin’s words, though, Loki couldn’t stop crying. He couldn’t breathe and he wiggled around some, trying to get his wrists free, but stopped at the pain that shot down his lower half.  He then weakly tried to shrug the tie wrapped around his mouth off by rubbing it against the mattress. That, too, failed to work.

            He fell still and stopped crying after a while, the shock of what happened sinking in, stunning him. Odin came back almost an hour later – he lost track of time, not that he was even keeping track – and untied him. Odin spoke softly, but Loki had absolutely no idea what he was saying. He eventually left and Loki remained where he was, unmoving.


	2. Dying to Get Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not everything is well in the Odinson house. His brother gone and his parents in the mist of a divorce, Loki finds himself trapped in an environment full of stress, anxiety, and loneliness. Taking matters into his own hands has only deepened the hole he finds himself in, making it that much difficult to escape. And Loki soon finds that home isn't as safe as he previous assumed. AU.

            Exhaling a puff of smoke, Loki leaned against a graffiti-littered brick wall, his emerald green eyes moving from the left to the right as he searched for his drug-dealer. He felt as though he was going to lose his mind, his heart thundering almost painfully in his chest, and he wondered if it was due to the lack of drugs in his system or the anxiety. It was probably both.

            He never went to sleep after his father … well, after what happened. How could he after something like that? Somehow he was able to pull himself from the bed and stumble to the bathroom where he expelled everything in his stomach before climbing into the shower-cabin. He proceeded to scrub every inch of his body, but that did nothing to make him feel the least bit clean, so he washed himself again.

            The rest of the night consisted of snorting the rest of the heroin. The first few hours were manageable to handle, the high numbing and muddling the shock and panic. It wore off, though, and soon Loki found himself rocking back and forth by the window, waiting for morning. He had to forget.

            Cursing quietly to himself, Loki pushed off the wall and gasped at the shooting pain that travelled down his body, the cigarette falling from his fingers. A hand braced the wall and he forced himself to breathe, blinking the tears away. “Shit,” He mumbled to himself, feeling the pressure and the anxiety creeping up. His hands started to shake, his body falling against the brick wall again, _and where the hell was Bruce?_

            As if on que – and Loki really felt like crying, because the relief alone was almost too much – Bruce Banner walked around the corner. Slowly this time, Loki pushed himself away from the wall and went to meet the man halfway, the pain not having subsided, causing him to limp. He watched as his drug-dealer furrowed his brow at the way he walked, but Loki ignored it. He was there to forget, not to be questioned and reminded.

            “I need heroin. I don’t have any more.”

            Letting out a sharp curse, Bruce’s head swung around, brown eyes searching for eavesdroppers. A few people were walking around – it was still early morning – and it seemed as though they hadn’t heard, but that wasn’t good enough for Bruce. Glaring hard at Loki, his temper already at the max, he closed the distance between them and grabbed Loki’s arm, yanking him down an alleyway. Shoving Loki against the side of the dumpster, Bruce slammed his fist against the metal beside Loki’s head, causing him to press closer into the wall.

            “What the _fuck_ do you think you’re doing, kid?” Bruce demanded through gritted teeth. His voice was a hiss, cold and uncaring.

            Deep down, Loki knew that the man was angry. The thought and the spike of fear registered for only a moment until he remembered why he was there to begin with. Then the desperation came, hard and quick and so overwhelmingly strong.

            “Please, Bruce, you gotta give me more. I _need_ it!” Loki exclaimed, stepping away from the dumpster. He had no idea what he was going to do, but he grabbed Bruce’s arm, fingers squeezing the tanned skin.

            “Stop, kid, just fucking stop –” Bruce ripped his arm from Loki’s hold and grabbed his instead. He wasn’t trying to restrain him. All he did was grab Loki’s arm and press him against the dumpster again. But a look of panic and a strangled “ _No!_ ” fell from his lips. Bruce watched for a minute before letting go and stepping back, a curious look on his face. And then it dawned on him. “Ah, shit, you got yourself jumped for the drugs, didn’t you?”

            “I –” Loki stuttered out, his face paling all the more. “What?” He could feel a cold sweat break out over his body and he willed himself to calm down, because he couldn’t freak out. He needed to get the drugs. “No, I … Bruce, I just need them all right? Please, I –”

            But Bruce was already shaking his head. “Sorry, but our arrangement is solid. You lose it, that’s it until the first of the month. You have two more weeks.”

            “Come on, man, I can pay you!”

            “Fuck, kid –”

            “Please!” Loki exclaimed, working to keep from outright panicking. He felt like it. He wanted to scream and beg and plead with Bruce, because he needed the damn drugs, needed to forget. Hands scrambled to his pocket, pulling out a small bundle of cash. “See, look – I have money right here!”

            Snatching the money from his hands, Bruce sighed impatiently and looked up and down the alleyway before turning his gaze back to the money. He stared at the amount, counting through it before brown eyes landed and remained on emerald greens. He looked unimpressed.

            “What?” Loki demanded when the silence stretched on for a long period of time. What was Bruce thinking? Why wasn’t he saying anything? “That’s a hundred bucks. That’s what I normally pay –”

            Bruce rolled his eyes. “All right, listen up, kid. You snort your shit and come to me before your allotted time and you think I’ll charge you the same amount? Do you have any idea how many under-age kids I deal to? I risk my fucking ass!”

            “Okay, okay,” Loki’s heart was pounding and he was sure his legs would give out on him with how wobbly they were. “Fine, just how much?”

            “Double or nothing,” Bruce replied immediately. He started to pocket the hundred dollars, but Loki’s hand shot out, snagging it back.

            “Are you insane? You’re a drug-dealer and get paid on how much you sell! Well, I’m only getting the regular amount, so I’m going to pay the regular cost and you’ll take it!” Loki had no idea where _that_ came from. He’d never spoken like that before to Bruce, because he didn’t know anything about him. The last thing he wanted was to piss off his dealer, but he wasn’t thinking properly.

            A look of absolute fury crossed over the man’s face, and Loki gasped in shock when Bruce reached out and painfully grabbed his arms, slamming him against the side of the dumpster, pinning him there. For one terrifying second, Loki was sure that Bruce would hit him, but he couldn’t. It would leave a mark and endanger the business. He was safe from injury, but that did nothing to quench the fear. He looked like he could do some serious harm.

            “Listen to me, you piece of shit! It’s double or nothing. If you don’t have it then you better get the _fuck_ out of my sight,” To make his point, Bruce tightened the grip he had on Loki until he was squirming in place. He couldn’t break the hold, though. Bruce wouldn’t let him. “Do you understand what I’m saying, kid?”

            “Yeah, yeah,” Was the quick reply. Loki was still desperate about needing the drugs. He would have continued to argue, but Bruce’s behaviour knocked it all out. He was acutely aware of the bruising hold, the close proximity. Loki could feel his heart hammering against his rib-cage.

            Bruce glowered at him a moment before grabbing Loki’s wrist, snatching the hundred dollars from him and pocketing it. “For wasting my time,” He said as way of explanation. “Now get the hell out of here.”

            “What? No! I need that money!” Loki shrieked. He jumped at Bruce, his entire body shaking at the thought of his drug money being taken away.

            But Bruce would have none of it. He easily slapped Loki’s hands away before gripping his neck. He squeezed just slightly, just enough of a warning. He probably didn’t even have to do that, because Loki fell still the second his neck was grabbed. “Piss. Off.”

            And when Bruce let him go, Loki did just that.

-x- -x- -x-

            He got to Tony’s mansion in a daze. He didn’t even remember the trip, just the feel of a hand gripping his arm. His best friend’s voice could be heard, though, and Loki anchored himself to it. He was pulled inside and led into the expansive living room where Tony gently pushed him into a seat. Despite how gentle Tony was, Loki still tensed as the pain spasmed through him.

            “Tell me what the hell happened, Loki,” Tony said, crouching down in front of Loki’s seat, chocolate brown eyes full of worry. Loki didn’t like it. Tony was carefree and he was light. Worry on his face meant that the situation he was in couldn’t be avoided.

            Shaking his head, Loki shifted in his seat while trying to keep his expression blank. Tony was perceptive, especially when it came to him. “I’m fine, Tony. I just … I had a bad night.”

            “Call me when shit like this happens!” Tony exclaimed, because he knew how screwed up Loki’s home life was. He got to his feet and walked over to the credenza that was against the far wall and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. “Now come on – let’s calm you down some.”

            And that was all that really needed to be said. Two beers were grabbed from the fridge and Loki spent the rest of the day with Tony on the roof. After they were settled, a comfortable silence surrounding them, Loki realised that Tony was covered in grease stains. His brow furrowed as he exhaled a cloud of smoke.

            “Were you in the work-shop?” Loki asked, emerald green eyes flickering back to Tony’s face. He was already beginning to calm down, but after realising that he’d probably interrupted Tony from his work, he could feel guilt slowly creeping in.

            Tony merely shook his head, his eyes far away as he stared at the ocean. “I’m where I need to be.”

-x- -x- -x-

            Loki couldn’t believe that the morning two days after hurt just as much – if not more – than the day before. Getting out of bed had been a challenge and, halfway through, Loki had tears in his eyes and was seconds away from quitting. His lower half was so unbelievably stiff, Loki had no idea how he had been able to get out of bed at all the past few days.

            Gritting his teeth, Loki forced his body to keep going and finally, he planted both feet on the hardwood flooring. Now the task was walking. His movements were stiff and heavy, and right away he knew that he wouldn’t be leaving the house any time soon. He tried not to think about that too much, though. What had happened was terrifying enough, but knowing that he’d be confined in the very room where it happened …

            He limped into the bathroom after grabbing another pair of pyjamas and turned the shower on. Stepping under the hot spray, Loki revelled in the heat for only a moment before he set out scrubbing his body. He could never get clean enough, but he did what he could.

            The water was turned off an hour later. Loki didn’t feel any better. His heart had started to pound and his entire body started to shake. He had absolutely no idea why. Opening the bathroom door, Loki quickly decided that he would remain in bed all day. There was just no other way around it. And as disgusting as it was to stay in the same room where … _it_ … happened, let along the same sheets … well, Loki’s movements were very limited. There was no way he felt strong enough to pull them from the bed.

            Loki walked out of the bathroom and knew exactly why his heart was suddenly pounding, why his entire body was shaking. Leaning against the door was his father, arms crossed. He looked calm, relaxed, as though what happened just two days ago didn’t happen at all. His eye, though … he knew. He remembered. Loki’s body stopped working. His mind was screaming for him to move, to put distance between himself and his father, but his body simply refused to acknowledge how desperate and how terrified he was. He didn’t even move when Odin pushed himself from the wall and slowly started to approach him, though his chest started heaving all the more.

            When he got close enough, Odin reached out and shoved Loki hard enough to have him sprawled out on the floor. He landed on his side, his right arm taking the brunt of the fall and, even though it hurt like hell, the cry of pain that ripped from Loki had to do with the spasm that radiated throughout Loki’s lower half. The pain was enough to paralyse him for a moment.

            “Where the hell were you?” Odin’s angry hiss came, that one eye glowering down at Loki with so much fury. Loki gasped for breath as he slowly started to pull himself up into a sitting position, though he didn’t get far. His strength sputtered out, his body throbbing too much for anything else. “I didn’t see you all day yesterday, Loki. Do you have any idea how worried I was?”

            Despite the pain, despite the utter terror, Loki paused for only a minute, confusion in his gaze before he laughed. It was short, not holding much gusto, but it was enough to have Odin’s brows furrowing. “Are you kidding me?”

            “You are my son, Loki. I am to know where you are at all times. Nothing has changed.”

            Loki snorted to mask the sob that tried to bubble over. “Everything has changed,” He shook his head and took a shaky breath, willing control over his body. He hated feeling useless and, after what happened, Loki needed control more than ever. He forced himself to look up at his father, forced himself to keep that eye-contact. Looking away would mean weakness, and even though he was weaker than his father physically, he had to be stronger mentally. “You raped me.”

            “So?” Odin replied, looking more annoyed than he was just a few minutes ago.

            His response confused Loki, whatever retort he had ready fading away as he stared at his father. He opened and closed his mouth several times, trying to come up with something to say. “You _raped_ me!” He settled with, his chin trembling as he fought to keep from crying.

            “Were you going to tell me about this?” Odin asked, completely re-directing the conversation.

            Loki was jumbled, his head spinning, but after a moment he understood. Emerald green eyes snapped to the corner of his room where the loose floor-board was messily put back in place. Dread solidified deep in his gut as he turned his gaze back to his father, or – more specifically – what he had in his hand.

            “How did you find that?” He asked his voice tight and strained. “This is _my_ room! You have no right going through it!”

            His head snapped to the side due to the force of Odin’s slap. He could feel his cheek heating up and Loki closed his eyes, blinking away the tears, hating how a few escaped anyway. Odin was moving towards him now, Loki’s heart immediately accelerating. Odin only crouched down in front of him, sighing deeply, as though disappointed. He looked at the empty pack in his hand for a minute before locking his gaze on Loki.

            “This is what we’re going to do …”


	3. Stuck Inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not everything is well in the Odinson house. His brother gone and his parents in the mist of a divorce, Loki finds himself trapped in an environment full of stress, anxiety, and loneliness. Taking matters into his own hands has only deepened the hole he finds himself in, making it that much difficult to escape. And Loki soon finds that home isn't as safe as he previous assumed. AU.

            “Your phone is going off again,” Tony said, a cigarette dangling between his lips. The expression on his face was shrouded, unidentifiable, and Loki felt a small pang of annoyance, because he came to Tony to forget, not to try and figure out what was going through his friend’s mind. He was worried – Loki knew that. But if Tony was looking for answers, he wasn’t going to get them.

            “Yeah,” Loki simply said. He could feel Tony’s eyes on him, but he didn’t return the look. He simply lifted the beer bottle and took a generous gulp, emerald greens on the ocean.

            The two had been on the roof all afternoon, drinking beers and sharing a pack of cigarettes. Loki came to him after his father discovered the loose floor-board and the empty pack of what used to be heroin, panicked and shaky, sweating and looking as though he’d fall over at any moment. _It was just a bad morning_ , he’d told Tony, and his friend believed him. If he didn’t, he said nothing. He merely opened the door wider, grabbed a carton of beer and the cigarettes, and led Loki to the roof.

            Several hours of silence later, Loki was feeling a bit better – more relaxed, at least. His heart still pounded furiously in his chest whenever he thought about what awaited him when he had to go home, his limbs shaking whenever his mobile rang. With any luck, Tony would let him stay until midnight, that way his father would – hopefully – be asleep when he returned home.

            Silence lasted about fifteen more minutes before his mobile went off again, the shock causing Loki to jump, only to then hiss in pain when a spasm shot straight through his lower half. Loki was dead-set on ignoring it, but Tony wasn’t. An angry sigh and a curse later, Loki was turning his gaze to his friend as Tony crawled over to him, a determined look in his chocolate brown eyes.

            “Tony –” Loki started, hoping his voice sounded as strong and as firm as he wished. He was going to warn him, let him know right then that he wasn’t going to get anything from him, but – as though Tony knew that that was what he was going to say – he was cut off.

            “No, shut up,” He snapped, kneeling down beside Loki’s knees. He shook his head in disbelief. He looked as though he couldn’t believe that Loki was keeping something from him. Loki didn’t blame him. “What the hell is wrong with you? I get that shit at home is bad, but you’ve never acted like this before. You looked like hell yesterday and today you’re even worse, it looks like you have a stick shoved up your ass …” He trailed off, waiting for Loki to finish his sentence, give him something, anything.

            But Loki didn’t say a word. He just stared at Tony, watching as his features shifted from angry to furious. If possible, his eyes darkened and he scooted up a little. “Loki –”

            “You told me to shut up.”

            Tony rolled his eyes. “I give you permission to speak now –”

            “– Thank you –”

            “– so tell me what the hell is going on with you.”

            “No.”

            “Why?”

            _Because you’ll never want to speak to me again, because you’ll try to fix this, because it’s something that can’t be undone, so why bother?_ Loki wanted to say. He couldn’t, though. Tony wouldn’t understand. Instead, he lifted the beer bottle to his lips and took a drink, watching Tony. He was staring at him so intently that Loki was almost uncomfortable by it.

            “I’m not ready yet,” Loki said, hoping that that would get through to Tony, to get him to back off. If anything, though, it seemed to make him even more irritated. He only got out Loki’s name before he was cut off. “I need to think, Tony. I’ll tell you later.”

            Tony deflated, his shoulders sagging. “Promise me, Loki.”

            Loki smiled sadly. “I promise.”

            He would never tell.

            Luckily for him, though, Tony allowed Loki to stay for however long he wanted at his mansion. Loki wasn’t about to _not_ take advantage of that, especially when it gave him time to at least attempt to wind down, to calm the racing of his heart whenever he heard his mobile ring. It stopped ringing and beeping and vibrating around seven in the afternoon and it took a few more hours for Loki to relax and come to the realisation that Odin hadn’t called the police. They would have found him already.

            So he stayed and drank and smoked and snacked on food. Tony was with him the entire time, making him laugh, providing a good conversation, and simply being a comforting presence whenever his mood became too negative. Of course, it only lasted for so long. Loki was intruding on Tony’s time and, no matter how many times his friend told him that he didn’t mind, Loki said his goodbyes around one in the morning and headed home.

            The hour was late – Loki certainly took his time walking home, taking long routes and stopping to rest, his lower half stiff and throbbing in exertion – when he walked into his house and the last thing he would have expected was Odin waiting up for him. So when he stepped into the house and the door behind him slammed shut, Loki knew right then that he was in deep shit.

            Before he could get a single word out, he felt a flaring pain against the upper part of his back legs, ripping a shocking gasp from him. He felt it again when Odin threw him against the door and only then did he realise that his father was beating him with his belt. Panic consumed him, the tears immediately blinding his eyes and falling down his face, because he was going to hurt him, was going to rape him again. His thoughts were only confirmed when his arms were once again wrenched behind his back, the belt wrapping tightly around his wrists. He fought, but it didn’t do any good. Odin had caught him off guard, and even then, his father was stronger than he was.

            “Please, stop! Please, I’m sorry, just stop!” Loki begged and pleaded as Odin yanked him from the door, pulling him towards the stairs.

            “Stop crying, Loki,” Odin merely growled, roughly dragging Loki down the hall and up the stairs. “Man up!”

            He couldn’t stop crying, though. His body was tense and his lower half was screaming in pain with how crudely he was being yanked around, and it would only get worse. The mere thought of that had him shaking his head, pulling at the arm his father was grasping tightly. He couldn’t get free, not with how tightly the belt was wrapped around his wrists. Forced into his bedroom, Odin tossed Loki into his stomach on the bed and pressed a knee to the small of his back, keeping him there. His hair was grabbed and yanked back, forcing him to stare into the piercing eye of his father.

            “Do not move.”

            And Loki didn’t. After all, where could he possibly go? His body shook as he cried, his wrists straining against the belt, jerking and pulling and trying to get free, but it was no use. Eventually, he gave up, his head falling to the mattress, the tears streaming down his face, the sheets dampening beneath him. The sound of Odin’s footsteps coming back to his room only had him crying harder.

            Loki didn’t get much sleep that night.

-x- -x- -x-

            He had no idea when exactly he fell asleep. He knew it had to be after five in the morning, because Loki remembered staring at the clock, counting down the hours until his father went to work. But when he finally did wake a couple hours later, he found that the belt was still wrapped tightly around his wrists and the tie that his father left to get after first tossing him on the bed was still around his mouth, gagging him. Panic rose to the surface, causing his chest to heave and his breath to come out in quick pants. Squirming on the bed, Loki whimpered and choked back a sob at the excruciating pain that shot down his lower half. He wasn’t wearing any pants and he could feel something that had crusted over his skin. It was either blood or dried cum. Both options had his stomach twist uncomfortably.

            He tried to figure out what he was going to do. Trapped as he was, Loki wouldn’t be able to do anything until his father released him. And then what – call the police, run? Would Odin even allow him to do that now? He’d been trying to avoid the situation ever since it happened, tried to get out of the way and stay out of the way, elude Odin’s company and try to forget. But obviously that wasn’t happening. Something else needed to be done.

            He wondered where his mother was. Two days ago, she was there and then she wasn’t. He wondered if she abandoned him, ran, left him. He hated her for it. The tears streamed down his face, leaving him feeling dizzy and light-headed.

            It was a little after seven-thirty when Loki heard the footsteps making their way towards his bedroom, and he could feel his body tensing up. His lower half was completely bear. Would his father assault him again? The thought had his stomach twisting and cramping painfully again, but he forced himself to calm down. Throwing up wouldn’t do him any favours unless he wanted to die, and as scared as he was, as much as he hated himself for allowing _it_ to happen, he didn’t want to die. When the door opened, he stopped breathing.

            “Did you sleep well?” Odin asked, slowly walking deeper into the room. From where Loki was lying, he couldn’t see the door, and not knowing exactly where his father was made his heart race. Thankfully, he didn’t have to wait long before Odin slowly came into view, his gaze staring outside the window. “I did.”

            Even though Odin wasn’t looking at him, Loki flinched at his words. After all that he’d done, Loki still couldn’t believe that the man _raped_ him _twice_. And hearing how nonchalant he was about it made him question his entire childhood. The way that he was touched last night … the way that Odin’s hands roamed over his skin … it was as though he was marvelling and basking in the moment. How long had he been harbouring those sick thoughts for? Did he do the same to Thor? Is that why Thor left? His chin trembled and he lowered his face to the mattress.

            “Do you remember my proposition to you yesterday morning?” Odin asked after a moment of silence. He turned his eye to Loki, taking in his appearance. He must have looked like a mess, because Odin’s lips quirked slightly, as though amused.

            Swallowing thickly, Loki’s fingers twitched slightly. His mind had been otherwise occupied, but the moment he recalled yesterday morning’s events, he could feel the sudden desire and craving for another snort fill him. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears, heat flushing over him, making him sweat. He had no money for heroin and _this_ was Odin’s way of shutting him up. His eyes prickled and watered until he closed them, feeling the tears leak from his closed lids. Instead of helping him through an addiction like any father would, Odin was blackmailing him. He didn’t even know the man anymore.

            “Loki.”

            His body tensed up all over again, his throat beginning to ache due to the lump that had formed.

            “Nod or shake your head,” He said, and that was all it took for the walls to break once more. Ignoring the indifferent look on Odin’s face, Loki begged him to let him go. Of course, he probably didn’t understand what he was saying, the tie wrapped around his mouth muffling off everything that he was trying to communicate. “I’m not letting you go,” Dread and fear and panic and anger and terror washed over him like a tidal wave. Dropping his head back down to the mattress, Loki pulled at his wrists, knowing that he wouldn’t get free, but hating how trapped and alone he felt. “Loki. Answer me. Nod or shake your head. Do you remember the proposition I made to you yesterday morning?”

            Loki fell still and, after a moment, nodded his head.

            “Look at me,” Odin commanded in a low voice. Loki didn’t, couldn’t. “ _Look at me_.”

            He remained defiant for almost a full minute before the fear of what Odin would do to him became too much for him to bear. Slowly lifting his head, Loki’s eyes immediately latched onto a syringe that Odin had in his hand. He stopped breathing.

            “You know what I want. And I know what _you_ want,” He waved the syringe a little. Loki heard him chuckle, obviously amused by the fact that Loki’s eyes were following every move the syringe made in his hand. It made him sick how easily Odin had him, but he could barely think, his heart thundering in his chest. It took everything Loki had to not attempt to crawl up the mattress to get to where Odin was standing. “I purchased twenty milligrams of heroin just for you. I will give you five now _if_ you give me what _I_ want. Will you?”

            _Yes_ , he wanted to scream. He wanted to crawl up the bed and do whatever the hell Odin wanted as long as he could lose himself in that haze. But somehow he blinked, logic momentarily taking over. Would he really allow Odin to blackmail him into this? Loki knew that his father could simply inject him anyway and do whatever he wanted with him. But he could also let him suffer through it. He could leave the syringe in sight and rape him once more, torment him with its close presence, knowing that he’d never be able to get it.

            Swallowing thickly, Loki slowly shook his head.

            _But_ … Odin was giving him a choice now. If Odin were merciful, he would wait until Loki was under the effects of the heroin before assaulting him again. Though five milligrams wasn’t all that much, it would be enough to numb him, to leave him in a state of obliviousness – hopefully – long enough for Odin to do what he wanted and leave.

            “Ten.”

            Loki started to openly cry, his sobs muffled off by the gag. Odin had his answer then. He cried when Odin flipped him over onto his back, bound arms pinned beneath him, and searched for a vein. He cried when he heard Odin undo the button and zipper of his jeans, pushing them down, his erection semi-hard already. And though Odin pushed inside of him before he was completely out of it, Loki was glad that it didn’t take too long before the heroin took effect.


	4. Be My Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not everything is well in the Odinson house. His brother gone and his parents in the mist of a divorce, Loki finds himself trapped in an environment full of stress, anxiety, and loneliness. Taking matters into his own hands has only deepened the hole he finds himself in, making it that much difficult to escape. And Loki soon finds that home isn't as safe as he previous assumed. AU.

            A full week passed before Loki realised why his mother wasn’t there, a full week of hating her, cursing her, wishing her dead for what she was allowing to happen to him. His grandmother had died the day his parents had that huge fight, the day he went into his room and snorted all of the heroin that he had left in that loose floor-board. He knocked the lamp from his desk, the glass breaking, when he realised that the note he refused to read that was taped to his door was from his mother, explaining where she was, why she suddenly left. He cried and screamed and proceeded to trash his entire room until his father ran in, pushing him down onto the bed before stabbing him in the arm with the syringe, pumping the heroin into his veins, fogging and clouding his mind. He didn’t fight when Odin pushed his jeans down, didn’t fight or feel when he thrusted into him again and again and again and again and again.

            It was another few days before Loki was able to think coherently without the traces of heroin blocking and delaying his thoughts. And it was after he took a long shower – he could never seem to wash away the feel of his father on him – when he realised that he had fresh locks on his windows. He dressed quickly enough before vaulting himself at the window, trying to figure out how to open the damn things. And that’s when he noticed the nails embedded in the window, keeping it firmly shut. Loki barely made it to the bathroom before he was expelling the contents of his stomach into the toilet, chest heaving, lungs screaming for a breath of air.

            Later on that night, when Odin came into the room, Loki screamed at him, went so far as to slamming his fists into whatever part of Odin he could get to before his father restrained him, beating him with the belt before binding his hands behind his back once more. Anger and fear coursed through him, causing him to scream and cry and curse and beg and shout and plead, though none of it did any good, because the tie was once again wrapped around his mouth, muffling and stifling off his words. His father fucked him that night without any heroin to ebb the pain. It felt worse that night. After a week of being in a haze, his mind was working frantically with every thrust, his sensory for pain exploding before him, causing every move that either he or his father made that much excruciating.

            A lock was placed on his bedroom door. Bound and gagged in bed, too weak and sore to do anything, Loki could only watch as Odin drilled the bar that would prevent his door from opening.

            He didn’t get heroin after that. Odin stopped buying it.

-x- -x- -x-

            Jiggling the door-knob, Loki pulled at it with all the strength that he could muster, but it didn’t do any good. The door was firmly shut, locked up tightly, preventing him from leaving. He had been reduced from a son to a captive, his worth coming to good use only when his father wanted a good fuck. His entire body was covered in bruises and scrapes and Loki knew without needing to consult with a doctor that serious damage had been done to his lower half. He could _feel_ it with every move that he made, could feel it in the way he bled when he shifted too much and the sharp, shooting pain that was a continuous throb.

            But that wasn’t his concern right now.

            Now more than ever, Loki needed to get out of that house. His mother was gone and his father was thoroughly abusing him, raping him. What would happen when she finally did return? Surely his father knew that Loki would tell on him, that he would confess to Frigga what he’d been doing to Loki. Odin _had_ to know that, which was why he had to get out while he was at work, because otherwise, he’d be trapped. His father would hurt him to ensure his silence. Loki didn’t know if he would go so far as to killing him, but he wasn’t going to stick around to find out.

            Emptying the contents from an old backpack that was hidden in his closet, Loki stuffed clothes into it, along with a few close possessions that he couldn’t bear to leave behind, as well as a toothbrush a tube of toothpaste, and a few books. After that was done, Loki took a quick glance around his room before moving to the window, picking up a shoe along the way. Gripping it tightly, standing on the other side of the bed, Loki threw it at the window, the shoe bouncing off, making a loud noise – one that had Loki tensing up, afraid that his father wasn’t actually gone, half-expecting to hear his thunderous footsteps racing towards his door, racing to punish him – before landing on the floor. Pursing his lips, Loki retrieved it before returning to his original place on the other side of the bed. Bracing himself, Loki pulled his arm back and threw the shoe as hard as he could. The shoe broke the glass, but the sharp movements that Loki executed caused him to immediately double over, pressing into the bed as wracks of pain rippled through him, bringing tears to his eyes.

            Forcing back the pain, willing his body to adjust and adapt, Loki slowly straightened his body and moved to the window, breaking what was left of the glass, so he could safely climb out. Putting the backpack over his shoulders, Loki took his time climbing out of the window, praying that he didn’t bleed, because the last thing he wanted to worry about in that moment was _that_. By the time he grabbed the branches of the tree by his window and hoisted himself away, Loki could feel his legs shaking; the pain pulsating and uncomfortable and he had to bite back a gasp when he started climbing down.

            Loki had never been so thankful to reach the ground when he did, because his entire body was quivering and trembling due to the exertion that he just implemented climbing down that tree. Sweat was rolling down his neck, making him feel hot and sticky, the muscles in his body – especially his lower half – ached and throbbed and spasmed. He leaned against the base of the tree for a moment, simply catching his breath before moving back towards the house. Pulling the spare key from behind the outside light, Loki undid the lock and went into the house, moving towards a jar where they kept emergency cash. Loki had always questioned why, but now he didn’t. He was thankful that it was there. He pocketed it all before he left the house altogether, making his way to the bus-stop that was a few blocks from where he lived.

            He sat on the bench and waited, keeping his eyes trained on the street that his father would pull onto while on the way home. His heart hammered inside his chest, beating on his rib-cage almost painfully as he watched, terrified of seeing their car, of seeing his father. Loki didn’t even want to think about what would happen should his father come home early and see him sitting on at the bus-stop. Relief washed through him when he saw the bus turning onto his street. And when he climbed in and got comfortable in a seat at the very back of the bus, Loki could feel the panic slowly seep from his body. He was getting farther and farther away from his father. All would be well.

            It had to be.

-x- -x- -x-

_Where the hell are you? Call me._

_Loki, you better answer me._

_If I have to phone the police, because you’re acting like a child then you will be very sorry._

_Answer me, boy._

Four text messages and seven calls later, Loki finally decided to turn off his mobile. He had no plans to call back his father, no plans on going back home until his mother returned. Climbing out of the cab after paying for the cabbie’s services, Loki pulled his backpack over his shoulder and sighed. It took almost three full days to get from Malibu to New Mexico, and the entire ride down there, Loki questioned whether or not he was making a mistake. At first he didn’t think so, but now … now he felt like he was intruding on a stranger’s life.

            Limping to the front door – sitting down in one position for so long had him stiff and achy – Loki didn’t give himself any more time to think before he was knocking on the door. Any other day, Loki probably would have started laughing at the shocked look that greeted him when the door eventually opened, but all he could pull off now was a sheepish smile. He felt stupid and foolish for even thinking he could come and stay with him.

            “Loki.”

            “Hello, Thor. It’s been a while.”

            “I … yeah,” Thor stammered, poking his head outside and looking around, as though expecting more people. When he found none, his brows furrowed and Loki could feel dread seeping in. Why he thought he could come and stay was ridiculous. Of course, he hadn’t been thinking when he was trying to get out of the house. It all made sense now – Thor ran to forget about his family, to forget about Loki. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

            “I wasn’t either,” Loki replied, turning his gaze down to his shoes, because now he felt as though he was begging and seeking refuge. “I, uh … I didn’t know your number, so I couldn’t call you.”

            “Why?” Thor asked, confusion in his voice, as though he couldn’t fathom why Loki would come to him. Loki’s eyes shot up, his expression morphing into something akin to shock, and only then did Thor seem to realise his mistake, because he shook his head and forced out an awkward laugh. “No, that’s not what I meant. Come in. Do you, uh, have anything else with you?” He asked, eying the backpack.

            “No,” Loki shook his head as he stepped inside the threshold. He looked around, surprised that the place wasn’t a complete and total mess. Of course, it could definitely use a clean, but at least there weren’t clothes littering the floor like they were when he was living at home. “I don’t think I’ll be here more than a couple of days,” He added, because his mother had been gone already for over a week. Surely, she would be home soon.

            “Do mother and father know you’re here?” Thor asked closing and locking the front door. He joined Loki’s side, still looking as though he didn’t know what to do, as though he wasn’t sure that he liked Loki being there or not. The look hurt more than it probably should.

            Forcing a smile on his face, though, Loki gently punched Thor on the shoulder. “Do you think I would be here if they didn’t?” His answer seemed to satisfy Thor, not that Loki was at all surprised. Answering him with a question of his own wasn’t lying, but it wasn’t giving the truth, either. He’d been using the same deflective strategy over and over again, but Thor never seemed to catch on. “It was a spur of the moment decision. I just … I needed to get away.”

            Thor’s expression seemed to soften. He knew exactly what Loki was talking about, knew exactly what he was going through, and maybe he felt guilt for leaving him, for not keeping in contact. Loki didn’t know and he honestly didn’t care. In a way, he hated Thor for leaving. They were the best of friends and then he suddenly left without taking Loki with him.

            But he couldn’t think about that now.

            “Let me get you something to eat. I’m sure you’re hungry after all that travelling,” Thor said, putting a hand on Loki’s shoulder before heading into a different room, expecting Loki to follow.

            When Loki got into the room, he stopped in the doorway, unsure of what he was seeing. “You cook?” The tone of his voice caused Thor to laugh.

            “Yes, I can cook. It took a while, but my girlfriend, Jane, taught me how to cook several meals. I’m proud to say that I can cook about a fourth of a Thanksgiving dinner,” Thor grinned. “But I won’t make anything huge tonight. Do you still like spaghetti?”

            The question shouldn’t have grated at Loki’s nerves as much as it did. Thor spoke as though they hadn’t seen or talked to each other in years. He didn’t voice his annoyance, though, choosing instead to sit down on a barstool to watch.

            “So you’ve been here all this time?” Loki asked suddenly, unsure why. He reasoned that it was because he couldn’t take the silence. Thor didn’t look as though it was bothering him as he ambled around the kitchen, but it was giving Loki anxiety, his heart thundering, ears ringing.

            Thor looked up confused before he realised what Loki was asking. He nodded his head. “Yeah, but I wasn’t supposed to. I meant to get off at Las Vegas, but I missed my stop. Apparently, I slept through the drive through Nevada,” The smell of hamburger filled the air as Thor began frying it. The noodles were boiling in a large pot and sauce was simmering on another burner. While this should have frightened the old Thor, this new Thor seemed quite comfortable with what was happening around him. “I got off here and bumped into Jane. She’s an astrophysicist. We got to talking and she agreed to let me crash if I helped her out with her equipment.”

            “How fortunate for you,” Loki said not sure if he was happy for his brother or bitter that he was able to escape. He chewed on his bottom lip, shifting in his seat.

            Twenty minutes later, Thor was sitting beside Loki, both with a plate of spaghetti before them. A part had hoped that the meal would be horrible, just to prove to himself – and Thor – that nothing had changed, but it wasn’t meant to be. Thor’s spaghetti tasted heavenly, and soon Loki forgot about his jealousy and ate quickly, unaware of how hungry he actually was.

            “So how have you been, Loki?” Thor asked, breaking the silence. He was eating significantly slower than Loki, but that’s probably, because he wasn’t nearly as hungry as Loki was.

            Swallowing his food, Loki wiped his mouth before picking up a glass of water that Thor put in front of him and slowly sipped at it, trying to figure out exactly what he was supposed to say. He hadn’t been good, that much was obvious. Mother was in London and his father was raping him. But he suspected that it wouldn’t be good to tell Thor any of that now. He cleared his throat and picked his fork back up, twisting what was left of the noodles on his plate around the utensil.

            “I’ve been okay. Home is … stressful. But you know that. That’s why you left, right?” He winced. His tone wasn’t meant to come out as harsh as it did.

            Thor didn’t answer for a moment. “Yeah …”

            “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for … _that_.”

            “No, it’s fine. I left without giving you time to prepare,” Thor looked down. He looked guilty. “I should have taken you with me,” He looked back up then, and Loki had to steel his expression to keep from looking away. Thor opened his mouth to continue, but his gaze suddenly fell on Loki’s hand. His brows furrowed. “What happened to your wrist?”

            Loki felt as though he’d been slapped across the face. Dropping his fork – the sound of it hitting the plate loud, reverberating off the walls and his ears-drums – Loki quickly stood up from where he was sitting, jerking the sleeves of his shirt down to covered his bruised wrists. “I, uh … it’s nothing. I slept on it wrong on the bus …”

            “Okay,” Thor said, nodding his head. His tone was conversational, but Loki knew Thor and he knew that Thor could tell that something was wrong. His brother could be – or perhaps _had_ would be more accurate now – immature at times, but he was always perceptive of Loki.

            “I’m tired,” Loki said his jaw tense. “I know you’re not living alone and that I’ve come uninvited –”

            “Jane isn’t here and even if she was, it wouldn’t be an issue,” Thor butted in, voice firm. The rapid thumping of his heart slowed just a bit at his words. “You’re always welcome here, Loki,” He got off his barstool and pointed out of the kitchen. “Turn left out here. There is a spare bedroom on the right.”

            “Thank you,” Loki said. He retrieved his backpack from the living room where he left it and followed Thor’s instructions to the spare bedroom. Loki dropped his bag and immediately crawled into bed when he got into the room, kicking off his shoes. Squeezing his eyes shut, he spent the rest of the night simply trying to calm down enough to sleep.


	5. Trying to Save My Own Skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not everything is well in the Odinson house. His brother gone and his parents in the mist of a divorce, Loki finds himself trapped in an environment full of stress, anxiety, and loneliness. Taking matters into his own hands has only deepened the hole he finds himself in, making it that much difficult to escape. And Loki soon finds that home isn't as safe as he previous assumed. AU.

                        Sometime during the night, Loki stumbled out of bed and pulled his mobile out, turning it on, checking the time since there was no clock anywhere in the spare bedroom that he was situated in. Without much thinking, he put it on the night-table before crawling back in bed, not at all concerned with the jeans and shirt he was still wearing. He fell back asleep quick, his muscles relaxing into the soft sheets, his mind lax and tranquil, because for once in over a week, he sensed no danger.

            Of course, when he woke up several hours later and checked the time, he was bombarded with eight new voicemails and seventeen new text messages. His heart lurched in his chest and his blood ran cold, because there was no mistaking just who sent all of those texts, whose angry voice would be in his messages, demanding to know where he was, threatening him if he didn’t return his calls and come home. Loki’s body shook and he felt as though he was going to hyperventilate right then and there over the sheer anxiety alone of what was in those messages.

            _Are you done acting like a child?_

_When are you going to grow up and come home?_

_You’re not making the situation any better by doing this. What do you think will happen?_

_Loki, you’re starting to aggravate me. Come home now._

_Loki. You have no idea how much trouble you’re in right now. Call me._

            _Are you with that Stark boy?_

            Running a hand through his hair, Loki closed his eyes and counted back from ten before dropping his mobile on the bed and crawling out. Six texts and he already felt like he was going to break. But hadn’t he broken already? Shaking his head, Loki winced and limped towards his backpack, pulling out another change of clothes. The pack of cigarettes that he hastily shoved inside fell out, and Loki paused, staring down at them. It hit him so suddenly, the desire for another fix, so much that he was contemplating calling Odin back and making a deal with him. He snapped out of that real quick, though. Undressing, Loki climbed into the shower-cabin and turned the water on, standing under for just a few minutes – just long enough to clear his thoughts – before he started washing.

            It was only as he was getting ready to get out of the shower that he realised he was bleeding. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to have Loki leaning against the wall of the shower-cabin, fighting back the urge to cry. He needed to see a doctor, but he couldn’t, because that would mean telling, and that was something that Loki didn’t want to even think about. He just had to wait long enough for Frigga to come back home. Odin wouldn’t dare touch him with her so close.

            When he felt calm enough to move, Loki dried himself and got dressed. Leaving his clothes in a pile on the bathroom floor, Loki grabbed the pack of cigarettes and – after a little digging – the lighter and made his way outside. It looked as though Thor was still sleeping, which was fine with Loki. It would give him enough time to smoke and allow the nicotine to calm his nerves down some. The last thing he wanted was Thor suspecting even more as to why he was so jumpy.

            He lit the cigarette away from the house and walked around the yard for a little bit before standing on the deck, leaning his hip against the railing. The air was cool; enough to have Loki wrapping an arm around his body, but that was it. Loki enjoyed the cool air.

            Coming to New Mexico, Loki had no idea what to expect. Sure, Thor was smart and would have been able to find a job the moment he arrived – his personality exuberate and charming – but Loki hadn’t expected him to be … he didn’t even know the word. A part of him was happy for his brother. He was able to get out, be independent. He was able to do what he wanted and had found someone he obviously cared about – even though Loki hadn’t seen her since he arrived. The other part of Loki was envious and jealous and angry and bitter, because while Thor got what he wanted, Loki was once again left stranded. Thor ran and Loki was stuck between a set of parents who couldn’t stand the sight of one another. While Thor fell in love, Loki resorted to drugs and alcohol and smoking to ease the anxiety that set roots deep inside of him. It wasn’t fair and Loki hated Thor for leaving him. What kind of brother did something like that? Were they not supposed to look out for one another?

            Before he could think any more, before he could come up with other reasons to hate his brother, the door opened and Thor walked out. Loki momentarily started, unsure of what he would think, seeing him smoke, but then cast the thought aside. He didn’t care. Why should he?

            “Good morning,” Thor said as way of greeting. He walked to the other side of the small deck and leaned against the railing, crossing his arms over his chest. His hair looked slightly damp, as though he’d just gotten out of the shower.

            Exhaling a puff of smoke, Loki looked at his brother from the corner of his eye, gaging his expression. He didn’t look upset at the sight of him smoking; then again, there wasn’t much of an expression on his face. “Morning,” Loki said after a moment.

            “Did you sleep well?” Thor asked after the silence between them became too much for him to bear. Thor was never one for silence, always talking or laughing about something. He knew it wouldn’t take long before he engaged Loki in conversation.

            “Better than I have in weeks,” Loki replied, giving Thor a small grin before he put the cigarette to his lips and inhaled. His answer was completely honest for once. He was surprised that he was already up. He’d only gotten about nine hours but after such a comfortable sleep, perhaps that was all he really needed. “Thanks for letting me stay here.”

            “You’re welcome to stay for as long as you like,” Thor said flippantly, shrugging his shoulders as though he hadn’t a care in the world, though his sparkling blue eyes always seemed to go back to the cigarette in Loki’s hand. “Are there any other nasty habits I need to know about while you’re here?”

            Breaking eye-contact with Thor, Loki turned his gaze away, swallowing back the sudden lump that had formed in his throat. He didn’t know why such a reaction came over him, why his eyes prickled with tears and his chest became overwhelmingly tight. Loki thought that maybe it had something to do with the fact that Thor actually _saw_ him, that Thor was actually _saying_ something about it. If he could smell the smoke on his clothes – faint as it may be – then his mother and father must have, as well, though they never said a word. They must have realised the smell of alcohol and his dilated eyes, but they never looked for too long and maybe that was the reason why he hadn’t stopped. He’d been invisible to them. They were always too busy fighting and avoiding each other to remember that they had another son.

            But after so long of being away, Thor was _looking_ at him and _talking_ to him and outright _asking_ him. His eyes found his feet, bare on the cool wood. Furrowing his brow, Loki shook his head. “No.”

            Lie.

            Nodding his head, Thor pushed himself away from the railing and took a few steps towards Loki, outstretching his hand and motioning towards the cigarette. “Can I have the pack and lighter?”

            His head snapping up, emerald green eyes blazing, Loki’s first reaction was anger. Why was Thor suddenly trying to look after him now? What gave him the right to still be the older brother, to have the responsibility to look after and protect him? Loki’s jaw clenched and his free hand balled into a fight fist before he was able to calm down enough to re-evaluate the situation from a different perspective. Loki was the one to come to Thor. Loki was the one who needed Thor to be his escape, to keep him away from Odin and watch out for him. And Thor was only trying to protect him now by taking the cigarettes away. Thor was being what he needed – stability, control.

            Hesitating, Loki went into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out the pack and lighter, gingerly handing them over, placing them in Thor’s still outstretched hand. “I suspect you want me to put this out, too?”

            “Keep it,” Thor said, pocketing the cigarettes and the lighter. He went back to leaning against the railing, though he was closer to Loki now. “Enjoy your last one.”

            Huffing out a laugh, Loki nodded his head and tried not to feel as annoyed as he wanted to. What would be the point, really? Silence fell over the two of them once more. Loki took that time to walk up to the road and finish his cigarette off before dropping it and putting it out there. He had a feeling that Thor wouldn’t take too kindly if he were to leave it in his yard. When he came back, he stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jeans and cleared his throat, not knowing what to say next, but knowing that he needed to say something.

            He wanted Thor to know, and the fact that he felt so strongly about that made Loki realise how serious and desperate the situation was for him. It made him feel sick and disgusted with himself, made him want to go back into that spare room and stay in there until he didn’t hate himself as much. Closing his eyes, Loki tried to keep himself from panicking, tried to keep himself from falling into that dark place again.

            “Loki?” Thor’s voice came, causing Loki’s head to snap up.

            “I’m on drugs,” He blurted out, and the news caused Thor’s eyes to widen, shocked by what he heard. Loki didn’t blame him. He’d be shocked, too, if he was Thor. “There’s a drug-dealer a few blocks from where we – _I_ – live. I’ve been buying about twenty milligrams once a month. It’s been going on for several months now …”

            Thor didn’t say anything for a few minutes, taking the time to digest what Loki had just told him. He crossed his arms over his chest, not in a defensive, closed off sort of way, but in a contemplative gesture. He didn’t appear to know what to do with his hands, anyway, so crossing them seemed like the best bet. Loki, on the other hand, remained quiet; his body tense and stiff, waiting for what Thor would do next.

            “I, um …” He shook his head before looking back at Loki. “Do mother and father know?”

            Loki didn’t answer right away. He tried to figure out how he could answer Thor. He wanted to tell him, wanted him to know what had happened since their mother went to England, but could he really? Would Thor even believe him? He and Odin might have had a falling out, but Loki very much doubted he’d believe that Odin was raping him and buying him drugs. Not only that, the more he thought about it, Loki wasn’t sure he even wanted Thor to know, simply because it would reveal just how weak and broken he had become.

            “They’re the reason why I started to begin with,” Loki said, shocking himself with how shaky his voice was. “Thor, you know how they are. I … I needed _something_ and maybe smoking and drinking a-and the drugs weren’t a good idea, but it was all I thought I had. And I know that sounds stupid, but –”

            “No, it doesn’t,” Thor interrupted, pushing himself away from the railing and closing the distance between them. He wrapped his arms around Loki and pulled him close, and it took everything he had to not panic and fight his way out of his brother’s strong grip, because Thor was _not_ Odin. He was far away from that man. He was safe. “Why didn’t you call me? I could have helped.”

            Loki pulled away slightly and gave Thor a small smile. “That’s not your home any more. I didn’t want to bring you back to that.”

            Lie.

            “You are my family,” Thor said firmly, putting his hands on Loki’s shoulders, squeezing reassuringly. “If you called, I would have come as fast as I could.”

            Before Loki could say anything – and what he could possibly say to something like that, Loki didn’t know – the land-phone rang from inside the house. Thor gave Loki a questionable look, silently asking if he wanted him to answer it or ignore it so they could talk more. Loki playfully punched Thor in the arm and pushed him towards the house. He needed a moment to breathe, a moment to collect his thoughts and figure out what he was going to do or say next. He had no doubt in his mind that Thor would want to talk more about what he just confessed.

            While Thor went to answer the phone, Loki went back into the spare bedroom and flopped down on the bed, letting out a sigh. Running a hand along the bed, he found his mobile resting on the sheets. A new text was added to the already long list.

_I’m tired of playing this game._

_I am still your father, Loki. I told you before – nothing has changed._

_Call me, message me. Let me know that you are at least alive and not dead somewhere in a ditch like some junky._

            Loki flinched at those three messages. It was hard to believe that after everything Odin had done to him, he still believed that nothing had changed. It was that thinking that had Loki’s heart pounding in his chest once more, hammering against his rib-cage, because his father was fucked up and trying to do the same to him.

            _Why are you hiding from me? Do you think I won’t find you?_

_ANSWER ME._

_I am going to tear you apart the second I get my hands on you, you little shit._

_Have you gone to the police?_

_You’re not foolish enough to go to the police, are you? What would you say? They wouldn’t believe you._

_You’re a junky. You’re nothing._

_People like you deserve what you get. You’re nothing without a fix._

_You’re more useful when you’re letting me fuck you than when you are breathing._

            He’d moved to the bathroom before he got through all of the text messages, his stomach churning, threatening to expel last night’s meal. Leaning against the counter, Loki fought to keep his breathing under control now more than ever, because he had no idea what to do. He didn’t believe Odin’s words. His feelings aside, his self-deprecation, Loki knew that he hadn’t completely fallen. He was still fighting – albeit weakly – still trying to keep his head above water. That was the reason for coming to Thor, was it not? Thor was meant to be that escape.

            A knock on the already opened bedroom door had Loki dropping his mobile, the sound causing him to jump and bite back a curse at the sudden sharp pain that spasmed throughout his lower half. Gritting his teeth, Loki picked up his phone and walked out of the bathroom, seeing Thor standing in the doorway of the bedroom.

            He waved the land-phone sheepishly in his hand. “That was my friend, Steve. I, uh … forgot that I was supposed to meet him in an hour or so. We were going to hang out, have some beers later on in the afternoon. I cancelled.”

            “Why?” Loki asked, furrowing his brow. “Thor, don’t _not_ go, because of me.”

            “Do you really think I _want_ to go after the bombshell you just dropped?” Thor raised his eyebrows, shocked and only mildly amused.

            “I’m not going to be very good company today anyway,” Loki said. “You have no idea how exhausted I am, so I’m probably just going to crash for a couple more hours.”

            Thor pursed his lips. “Loki …”

            “If you’re worried I might use, don’t be. I haven’t got anything. I don’t _have_ any money to get anything,” Loki huffed, shaking his head, because for once, he was being completely honest about that. Thor didn’t look impressed, though. “Just go Thor. I’ll be okay. I might even get to catch Jane or something while you’re gone.”

            “You won’t, because she’s in New York right now with a friend of hers,” Thor sighed, weighing his opinions. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” Loki gave Thor a look, one that obviously meant _I’m not a child, you know?_ Thor chuckled, shaking his head. “All right, I’ll call him back. I’m going to write my mobile number down, as well as Steve’s, in case you need me. Don’t hesitate to call if you need _anything_.”

            Loki opened his mouth to speak, to reply in some sarcastic, witty way, but he stopped when he caught the seriousness of Thor’s expression. Behind those sparkling blue eyes, behind the brotherly affection and the amusement, there lay worry and concern, and knowing that Thor still felt that way about him caused Loki’s throat to constrict once more.

            He nodded. “I will in a heartbeat.”

            An hour and a half later, Thor left and Loki was left alone. He took another shower, changed into loose-fitting pyjamas, and then crawled into bed, intent on taking a nap. His body was sore and he felt as though he could sleep for days. After all, he had a lot of catching up to do.

            Before he shut his eyes, though, Loki’s eyes found his mobile, which was perched on the night-table. Reaching over, he picked it up and pulled it close, the pounding of his heart starting up once more when he opened the final text message his father sent.

            _Whether you like it or not, you’re coming home._


	6. But So Were You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not everything is well in the Odinson house. His brother gone and his parents in the mist of a divorce, Loki finds himself trapped in an environment full of stress, anxiety, and loneliness. Taking matters into his own hands has only deepened the hole he finds himself in, making it that much difficult to escape. And Loki soon finds that home isn't as safe as he previous assumed. AU.

            It was around eight in the morning when Loki finally decided to get out of bed. His body was sore, but it was – for once – the good kind of sore, the kind that had you stretching and smiling to yourself. For the first time in weeks, Loki felt _good_. Maybe all he really needed was a good sleep. What made the morning even better was the fact that he had no messages from Odin. He’d read and deleted all of the texts and didn’t even bother listening to the eight voicemails before falling asleep. He didn’t know what to think about not having any now, since Odin had made it perfectly clear that he wanted him home. Nevertheless, Loki didn’t stop to think about that any longer. He slept well and he felt _good_. That was enough.

            He took his shower, brushed his teeth, and dressed in jeans, a green shirt, and a pair of grey socks before emerging from his room, running a hand through his damp hair, shaking droplets of water from the dark strands. His stomach growled at him and Loki put a hand over top it as he made his way into the kitchen. He didn’t know if Thor was up or if he had breakfast food, but he figured he’d at least try to find something. Maybe there was leftover spaghetti from the previous night if things got too desperate.

            It was as he was walking into the living room did he feel dread seeping in. He slowed to a stop when he saw Thor by the window, pacing back and forth, his muscles tight and taut and stiff, and he knew right then that something was wrong. Stomach forgotten, Loki walked a few steps into the room before Thor realised that he was there. His sparkling blue eyes, usually so bright and full of happiness, stood dim and dull. He lifted a finger and pointed angrily to the couch, and Loki dumbly went to it and sank down into the cushions before he realised what he’d done.

            Loki couldn’t tell who was on the other line. The voice was too low and Thor’s pacing was making it difficult to concentrate. Anxiety slowly started to fill him, his hands wringing together, as though he didn’t know exactly what to do with them. The conversation went on for a good twenty minutes before Thor started nodding his head. It looked as though he was getting annoyed with the conversation alone, and Loki had no idea what would happen once it finally ended. And right after that thought creeped in, Loki slowly started to shrink into himself. Thor wouldn’t do anything to him … would he? Of course, he wouldn’t. Shaking his head, Loki chided himself for even thinking such a thing. Thor never laid a hand on him before – he certainly wouldn’t now.

            Then again … Odin hadn’t, either, until mother left …

            Loki was jerked back from his thoughts when he heard Thor sighing impatiently. “Yes, father, I heard you,” More was said, but that was all Loki needed to hear to know that he was screwed. He could feel the blood draining from his face, could feel his entire body start to shake due to the amount of feelings and emotions and thoughts that were assaulting him and coming at him with such force. He had to remind himself to breathe, had to remind himself to inhale and exhale slowly, otherwise, he would lose whatever control he had left, and that wasn’t much to begin with.

            Thor hung up the land-phone and tossed it down on the coffee-table that was positioned between the two brothers. He stared down at Loki, large arms hanging at his sides, muscles bulging. Thor was always one to settle problems with his fists, but he must have realised that this wasn’t something that he could punch his way out of. He had to be assertive and actually _talk_ – something that Loki was anxiously waiting on. What would he say? What would he do? Would he hear him, let Loki speak, and allow him the chance to explain himself? Or would Thor yell and scream until he lost all patience and started slamming things with his fists, breaking whatever he got his hands on?

            “That was father on the phone,” Thor finally said, and the tone of his voice was clearly anger and irritation. He balled his fists up, Loki’s eyes watching the action before he slowly looked back up. “Loki, he didn’t _know_ that you came here, nor did mother. They’ve been out of their minds worried, because they didn’t know where you were.”

            Loki opened his mouth to speak, to say something, _anything_ to calm the situation down, but whatever it was he was getting ready to say slipped from his tongue as Thor’s words registered in his head. He felt his breath hitch in his throat, his eyes watering just slightly. “What?” Mother was home?

            “You lied to me,” Thor bit out, causing Loki to flinch and come back to the conversation he was having. Loki watched as Thor raked a hand through his hair and sat down on the edge of a reclining chair, resting his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward, eyes locked on his little brother. “You said that they knew you were here.”

            “Yes, I lied about that part –” Loki started, unsure of what he would say really, but knowing that he had to say something to calm Thor down. Of course, he didn’t get the chance to say much else before Thor butted in.

            “What else did you lie about?” Thor demanded to know, and the accusation in his voice had Loki taken aback. Did Thor truly think so little of him?

            “I … nothing, _nothing_ else,” He said quickly, needing Thor to believe him. He hadn’t been there long with his brother, but Loki didn’t want them to part on such hateful terms. He shook his head when he saw the disbelieving look on Thor’s face, panic gripping at him, pulling him down. “Thor, I swear to you that I didn’t lie about anything else! You know how they are together – mother and father! You know how stressful they are and –”

            “And the drugs – was that a lie, too?”

            Swallowing back the lump in his throat, Loki forcefully shook his head. “ _No_ , it wasn’t a lie, Thor. I’m telling the truth.”

            “Well, you’ll have to forgive me for not taking your word on it.”

            Clenching his teeth tightly together, Loki counted back from ten before dropping his gaze, hands wringing together, heart battering painfully against his rib-cage. “What’s going to happen now?” He asked after several minutes of silence. He could feel Thor’s gaze on him, but he was too weak and cowardly to meet his hard stare just yet.

            “Father is worried and he wants you home. You’re going to get your things together and I’m going to drive you back to Malibu.”

            Loki’s eyes shot up then, his mouth slightly agape, as though he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. All that would coherently process was the fact that Thor was going to be taking him back to the man who had been raping him and drugging him for a little over a week. But right before he could outright panic, right before he could hyperventilate and beg Thor to let him stay, he remembered what Thor told him just moments before. Father _and_ mother were worried about him, meaning she was home, she was back, meaning Odin had no choice, but to tell her about him running away. She would make things better, she could keep him safe.

            Letting out a sigh, Loki looked sadly at his brother. “I’m sorry, Thor.”

            “Just get your things together. We’ll leave in ten minutes.”

-x- -x- -x-

            They left at quarter to nine and arrived back in Malibu roughly twelve and a half hours later. Nothing much was really said between Thor and Loki. They stopped for bathroom breaks, snacks, and to fill up the car with more gas, but other than that, Thor was dead-set on getting Loki back to Malibu. And knowing that hurt like hell, because was Thor that angry with him that he was trying to get rid of him as quickly as possible? It hurt more than it probably should, but Loki didn’t say a word to Thor. And Thor didn’t say anything, either. It was the longest car ride that Loki had ever had to endure in such conditions and – much to his surprise – he was almost relieved when Thor pulled onto their street and stopped the car in front of their house. Loki didn’t hesitate to get out of the car. If Thor wanted nothing more to do with him then he wouldn’t get in his way any longer.

            “Loki, wait –” Thor said, sighing, running a hand through his hair. He was looking at Loki with an expression that was a mixture between guilt and sadness, but he didn’t get anything else out before Loki was shaking his head.

            “No, it’s fine. Forget about me. I’m sorry I interrupted your perfect new life,” Loki snarled, slamming the door to the car. In a way, he thought he over-reacted. Thor looked as though he was going to apologise and Loki completely stopped that from happening. On the other hand, however, did it really matter what he said? In the end, he would leave and they wouldn’t talk any more. They would go back to how they were before – brothers by blood, but ultimately strangers.

            His steps were quick as he made his way to the house, unsure if Thor would follow him or what, but he didn’t care. Mother was home and he wanted to see her. He _needed_ to see her. The door was unlocked when Loki got to it, and he glanced back once to see Thor still sitting in front of the house, watching him, before he went inside and closed the door.

            “Mother,” Loki called, standing right in the foyer, his ears trying to pick up on any movement inside the house. Dropping his backpack on the floor – mother didn’t approve of that, but he’d pick it up and return it to his room once he’d found her – Loki slowly started making his way through the living room, moving towards the kitchen. If she wasn’t upstairs then the kitchen was where he was sure to find her. “Mother …”

            “Your mother isn’t home, Loki,” He should have expected that voice, should have known it was too good to be true. What he didn’t expect, however, was Odin standing so close to him. He was shoved to the floor and Loki was just able to get his hands out in front of him to cushion the impact before he spun around, emerald green eyes wide as he took in the large, intimidating form of his father.

            Odin lunged for him, hands reaching to grab him, but somehow Loki was able to scurry out of the way and scramble to his feet, taking off towards the front door. “Thor!” Loki screamed, hoping and praying to whatever god out there that his brother was still there, still parked in front of the house.

            But before Loki could get to the foyer and throw the door open, Odin caught up with him. He grabbed the back of Loki’s shirt and jerked him to a stop before slapping a hand over his mouth, preventing him from screaming out for Thor or for anyone else who might hear and come to investigate. Odin pulled Loki down with him to his knees, pressing them both against the wall. Loki scrambled and fought to get free, but his father merely wound an arm around his body, pinning his arms to his sides. He continued to fight, but there was nothing he could do. He wasn’t getting free – Odin was too strong and Loki was too panicked to put up a proper fight. In the end, Loki merely started crying, his sobs muffled off by the hand that was still pressed tightly over his mouth, because he knew his father would tear him apart.

            Nothing happened for several minutes. The only sound in the house was Loki’s stifled cries. Odin held tightly to him, his grip unwavering. Thor never came. When it became obvious that no-one was going to intervene, Odin seemed to relax some, though he held tightly to Loki. Leaning down, he sank his teeth into the flesh of his neck, only relenting when Loki screamed and started to struggle once more. Only then did he stand up, pulling Loki along with him.

            “What did I tell you, hmm?” Odin asked rhetorically as he dragged Loki up the stairs. He ignored Loki’s struggling, ignored the way that he tried to grab a hold of anything he could to slow them down. The fact that he wasn’t even deterred was terrifying, and Loki felt as though he was going to suffocate with how frightened he was. “It appears as though I’ll just have to break you now.”

            “No, no, please stop,” Loki begged, tears streaming down his face, heart racing, anxiety threatening to crush him under its weight. Somehow – _somehow_ – he managed to pull himself away from his father’s strong grip, but all he was able to do was grab the banister, as though it would keep his legs from giving out on him. “Please, I can’t –”

            Whatever plea Loki was going to express was cut short. Odin’s hand shot out, roughly grabbing Loki by the chin. A panicked cry left Loki, but Odin didn’t seem affected by it. If anything, his icy blue eye seemed to darken all the more. He closed the distance between them, pressing himself against Loki, and Loki couldn’t help but let out a whimper and squeeze his eyes shut, because he could feel his father’s hardness against his hip. He could feel it pulsating and it made his stomach twist and cramp painfully.

            “Why do you want me to stop?” Odin asked his voice pleasant, not at all revealing of the assault he was about to deliver once more. He tilted Loki’s chin up. “Open your eyes. I want to see your fear,” Loki couldn’t, though. He should have expected his father’s rage, because no sooner had the words left his mouth, Odin struck him across the face – _hard_. “I said _open your fucking eyes_!”

            “Please stop,” Loki cried, unable to stop the tears from falling, unable to stop his body from shaking. Odin was tense, angry, and Loki – out of fear alone – opened his eyes and lifted a hand, wrapping it around the wrist that grasped his chin tightly. “Stop, just please, stop.”

            “That’s more like it,” Odin said, releasing Loki’s chin, placing his hands on the banister on either side of him, trapping Loki in. Loki’s grip shifted to where he had a hand on his father’s chest, vainly attempting to keep him at a distance, though it wouldn’t do any good. He knew that much. “You disobeyed me, Loki. I think you forget your place. I am your father and you are my son. You listen to me and do as you’re told. Do you understand?”

            He should nod his head. He should nod his head and try to make Odin believe that he was docile before he attempted to escape again. But his legs hadn’t stopped shaking; his heart hadn’t stopped beating against his rib-cage. Loki knew that he wouldn’t be able to go far. He probably wouldn’t even be able to get five steps away from his father before he was caught once more. And if he tried to run then Loki didn’t even want to begin to think about the consequences that action would evoke. Loki already knew that Odin would tear him apart – running and angering him further would only cause the man to completely ruin him.

            So he did nod his head. It was a quick, jerking motion, but it seemed to appease Odin for the moment.

            “Good boy. Now turn around,” Odin said, his hands moving to his waist, where he started undoing the belt from his jeans.

            Loki’s heart sank, the panic that was festering inside of him morphing into utter hysteria. The tears started streaming down his face all the more, his breath hitching in his throat, the lump forming, preventing him from even breathing. “No, please –” He started to stammer, tripping over his words. He shook his head, curling in on himself, as though that would somehow protect him.

            Of course, he wasn’t able to get anything else out of his mouth before Odin back-handed him, his head snapping to the side, his cheek heating up due to the force. Loki didn’t get the chance to react – he barely got the chance to even process what had just happened – before he was grabbed and forced to turn around. Arms wrenched behind his back, Loki had no choice, but to allow Odin to bind his wrists together, the leather pinching at his skin. Jerked away from the banister, Odin pulled Loki towards his room, shoving him down to the floor when they finally arrived. Unable to use his hands to ease the fall, Loki’s right shoulder took the brunt of the impact, a shout escaping him at the pain.

            Turning around to close the door, Loki took that opportunity to scurry back, making it to the wall near the foot of the bed before Odin reached him once more, his pants already undone. Loki could see his hardness and he couldn’t stop the sob that ripped from him, because there was no way he could stop his father from raping him. He shook his head and opened his mouth to speak, but Odin grabbed his chin once more, his breath hitting his face as he leaned in.

            “I’m doing this for you, my son,” He said as he ran a hand through Loki’s hair, gripping it painfully. “It’s time you become a man now, so stop crying and just take it.”

            Yanked off the floor, Odin laid Loki down on his back, his arms trapped beneath him. The fear and desperation was so strong within him. Loki couldn’t help but whimper as he kicked out, trying to fight him off. He did whatever he could to stop Odin from assaulting him again, but there was only so much that he could do. Odin had the advantage, had the upper hand, and it wasn’t long before his shoes were yanked off and his jeans were forced down and thrown to the floor, immediately forgotten as he pushed Loki’s legs apart.

            Like all the other times, there was no preparation. Odin stroked himself a few times, but what pre-cum he coated on himself did next to nothing to ease the pain as he forced himself inside of Loki. The pain was intense and excruciating and he screamed, tears sliding down his face. He begged for Odin to stop, but his words fell on deaf ears. There was no stopping that man now.

            He could feel his own blood sliding down his thighs. He could feel whatever healing over the past few days become undone again. He was being ripped open once more and Loki feared that there would be no more healing after that. Too much had been done. Turning his head away, Loki cried, his entire body shaking due to both Odin’s thrusts and the force of his pain and anguish.

            But right before he could give up on all hope, his bedroom door was suddenly thrown open. “ _What the hell are you doing?_ ” Thor shouted a look of utter horror on his face as he took in the sight before him, of Odin’s cock buried deep inside of Loki.

            Shock forced aside, Loki watched in amazement and disbelief as Thor lunged forward, grabbing Odin by the neck and ripping him away from Loki. Of course, in doing so had Odin forcefully removed from him, and the feel of his cock sliding painfully against his already incredibly tender ass had him screaming out in pain, his insides burning.

            Blinking through the tears, Loki saw Odin running from the room, the sound of his footsteps thundering against the hardwood flooring as he retreated to God knows where. Thor looked as though he would trail after him, and did so until he got to the door, but he stopped, his gaze immediately turning back to Loki, surveying the damage that had been done. Loki was sure he looked a sight – chest heaving, tears streaming down his face, bruised, bleeding, and completely and utterly broken.

            The mere thought had Loki crying for an entirely different reason, because now Thor saw him. He saw a pathetic brother who was too weak to get away. He saw a brother who turned to drugs to forget what had been happening to him, a brother who tried to pretend as though his own father raping him never happened. He was stupid and foolish and weak and pitiful.

            Moving to the bed, Thor leaned down and pressed his lips to Loki’s forehead, his own tears falling from his eyes. Taking a shaky breath, he took his mobile out, dialling the police. The call only lasted a minute, but in that time, Loki could feel the anxiety creeping in. Thor knew now and soon everyone else would, too. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think of anything else besides what would happen in the near future. Questions would be asked, questions that Loki would be obliged to answer. They would want to know what Odin had done to him, how many times, why he wasn’t able to fight him off, why he wasn’t able to say no. They would ask about the drugs, the alcohol, the smoking. They would make him confess to everything that had happened the last two weeks.

            Loki didn’t even realise he was hyperventilating until he heard Thor’s voice trying to soothe him. His hands gently gripped Loki, pulling him as slowly as he could into a sitting position, not wanting to cause him any more pain than he was already in. But Loki was having none of that. He was already living in pain – any more wouldn’t matter. His chest was heaving and he felt like he was suffocating. He felt trapped and Loki immediately started pulling at the belt that bound his wrists together, needing it to come off, needing air, needing space, needing it all to _go away_.

            Thor got the hint and released him. He was shaking almost as much as Loki was, the shock and horror and disgust clear on his expression. “Loki …” He gasped out, looking as though he wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around his brother and keep him safe from the world. And Loki let him.

            Whatever walls Loki still had standing were immediately destroyed after Thor gasped out his name. He completely broke, throwing his arms around Thor, screaming and crying into his shoulder. And Thor cried with him. He pulled the sheet from Loki’s bed and wrapped it around him, cradling him and rocking him, grieving and suffering with him. Thor didn’t let him go until the police and the ambulance arrived, and as they loaded him onto the stretcher, Thor remained close, always in Loki’s sight, promising safety.

            Thor was the last thing he saw before he passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was wondering if anyone wanted to get a copy of this story? I'm going to make one for myself, but if anyone wanted to purchase one, my email is LokiLover52@hotmail.com.
> 
> Let me know!


	7. So Were You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not everything is well in the Odinson house. His brother gone and his parents in the mist of a divorce, Loki finds himself trapped in an environment full of stress, anxiety, and loneliness. Taking matters into his own hands has only deepened the hole he finds himself in, making it that much difficult to escape. And Loki soon finds that home isn't as safe as he previous assumed. AU.

            “Loki?”

            He doubted he could pretend to sleep for much longer. After all, he was sure that the heart-monitor had given him away at least three separate times, but Thor was just kind and courteous enough to realise that Loki needed time to get his thoughts together, so he ignored it and pretended along with him. But Loki had been pretending for almost a day and a half now, and he was sure that Thor was curious; sure that Thor had questions that he would like to ask before he allowed the police to come in.

            “Yes?” Loki quietly replied keeping his eyes locked on the warm walls that were washed in a pale blue colour. They were calming colours and Loki hated them, because they did nothing to ease the thundering of his heart whenever he heard footsteps approaching his hospital-room.

            “Are you … h-how are you feeling?” Thor cautiously asked, sounding as though he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say in such a situation. Loki didn’t blame him. Besides feeling an overwhelming sense of helplessness, Loki had no idea what to make of what happened to him. Perhaps he was still in shock; perhaps he was just numbing himself, trying to black out the trauma.

            “Don’t ask stupid questions, Thor.”

            Closing his eyes, Loki swallowed past the lump that seemed to have made permanent residence in his throat, and listened to Thor’s shaky intake of breath. “Please … would you just look me? You haven’t looked at me at all since we got here.”

            Despair bubbled up inside of him, and it took everything within Loki to keep the shattered remains of his recovered walls from breaking down once more, because he couldn’t take it, couldn’t handle it. Could Thor blame him for wanting to keep to himself? Would he take offense for Loki hiding and curling in on himself after what happened? He felt violated and ashamed of what happened. He felt disgusting and horrible and he didn’t understand how Thor didn’t feel that way about him after walking in on Odin … on his father …

            He heard movement on his left and, even though he knew that it was only Thor, Loki couldn’t help but tense his muscles and hold his breath, awaiting the assault. Nothing came, though, and Thor didn’t move, as though he was aware of what he had done and froze, not wanting to scare Loki any more than what he already had. And knowing that Thor was thinking that way had another wave of self-deprecation wash over him. He truly was pathetic.

            Thor reached over and gently took his hand, and Loki felt the tears welling up and slipping down his cheeks as he opened his eyes, squeezing his brother’s hand back. Like when he first discovered Loki lying on that bed, Thor leaned down and gently pressed his lips to his forehead, running a hand gently through his hair.

            “It’s going to be okay,” He whispered, voice soft, but full of so much conviction that it almost took Loki’s breath away from sheer relief alone.

            “How do you know?” Loki whimpered out, trying to control the emotions that were barrelling against him, suffocating him, overwhelming him.

            “Because I’m right here, Loki,” Thor replied, giving him a small smile. “And I’m not going to let anything happen to you ever again.”

            His words were enough to at least settle the turmoil that was causing havoc inside of him. It didn’t take away his pain, though, or that nagging fear that lingered in the back of his mind, as though he was just waiting for Odin to walk into his hospital-room when Thor wasn’t looking and hurt him once more. It was a ridiculous feeling. Odin wasn’t coming back. He would be a fool to think he could come back and not get punished for what he had done. And if Loki wasn’t going to extract revenge himself, the second Thor – or his mother – laid eyes on him he would be a dead man.

            Thor didn’t ask his questions. Loki could tell that there were several just by looking into those sparkling blue eyes, but he never asked them. Perhaps he could tell how close to breaking Loki was and took pity on him. Perhaps he just didn’t care about the answers, because he was there and he wouldn’t allow anything bad to happen to him anymore. Whatever the reason, Loki was grateful. For just a little while, he could pretend that things were normal, as though what happened never happened, as though Thor never left and still lived just across the hallway from him.

            His presence had never been needed as much as it was in that moment. Growing up, Loki had always resented Thor. Though he had been his best friend for most of his life, Loki had always felt inadequate next to Thor. Thor was always big, always strong, always smiling, and always perfect. Loki felt like he was never good enough while standing beside his brother. Despite his bitterness, though, Loki needed Thor, had craved his attention. He was a beacon of love and happiness and joy and Loki had desired that affection like no other.

            And then their world went to hell and Thor left.

            Loki thought he would hate Thor for what he did, for leaving him all alone. But Thor was sitting right beside him now, had saved him from Odin, and it brought back the memories, the feelings that Loki would have when Thor was around. In that moment, he didn’t care about anything else, but those feelings. Thor had always loved him. Though he might not have known how unworthy he used to make Loki feel, none of that really mattered anymore. Thor was always genuine when it came to those he loved, and Loki was most definitely one of few who he cared so deeply for.

            So Loki closed his eyes and concentrated on how tightly he held onto Thor’s hand. He took a deep breath and focussed on how the sound of Thor’s voice felt calm and relaxing, how it seemed to reverberate throughout the room and rest over him like a comforting blanket. Thor was right beside him and he wouldn’t leave him – not again. It would all be okay. He had to believe that.

            Loki didn’t know how long he lay there, listening to Thor talk about everything and nothing. To be honest, Loki wasn’t really paying attention to _what_ he was saying. All he knew was that when a tiny knock came on the door of his hospital-room, he felt his heart spike. It was involuntary and he felt ridiculous for panicking at the sound, but Thor merely squeezed his hand tighter, shushing him. His thumb brushed over the top of Loki’s hand, hoping to ease the thundering of his heart, the adrenaline that was working throughout his system.

            “Come in,” He called, his voice gentle, but loud enough for the person on the other side to hear.

            And when the door opened and the person walked in, pale face, kind blue eyes shimmering with unshed tears, Loki felt his heart spike for an entirely different reason, because standing in the doorway was his mother. The sight of her had the sob ripping from him, his heart hammering against his rib-cage, the walls breaking, crumbling once more, because she was finally here.

            His body shook as he tried to sit up; Thor’s now distant voice telling him to lie back down wasn’t acknowledged as he used his brother’s hand to anchor himself up. Of course, he didn’t get all that far, because Frigga was there. Her arms were wrapped around his body, holding him close, and Loki freely cried into the crook of her neck, the agony and the shame and the fear all seeping from him.

            “I’m sorry, baby,” Frigga whispered the heart-ache clear in her own voice as she struggled in vain to hold back her own sorrow. She gently rocked him, her hands running up and down his back. “I am so sorry.”

            And she made it better. There was just something distinctly different about being comforted in the arms of a mother. He cried harder, felt harder, but she was there to absorb it all, to take from him the pain and the suffering that he had dealt with while she was gone. With here there, Loki felt just a little bit stronger, believed just a little bit harder that everything would be okay, because he had his mother and he had Thor. And that was enough for him.

-x- -x- -x-

            It was as though nothing had changed. Sitting at the kitchen table with his mother at the stove and Thor munching on a stack of pancakes beside him, it was as though time had re-wound, bringing Loki back to a happier moment in his life where his family was at peace and his best friend had never left. He would have let himself believe that, too, if it weren’t for the cloud that had formed over his head, preventing him from feeling happy or content or comfortable, because Loki wasn’t that – relaxed, at ease, _okay_.

            Every creak in the house, every groan that the foundation made whenever there was movement would set him off, leaving him feeling paranoid and tense. And though he had his mother and brother in the house with him, even though he knew deep down that he was safe with them, it did next to nothing to calm the racing of his heart. He was foolish to think otherwise. He was only kidding himself into thinking that any of it would be _okay_.

            “Loki, you need to eat something,” Frigga said, pulling him from his thoughts. Loki turned emerald green eyes towards her, wishing he hadn’t only seconds later. Though her voice was as ethereal as ever, he could hear the guilt laced in her words, the shame she felt for leaving him. A part of Loki was glad, and he hated himself for feeling that way, but he couldn’t help himself. None of it would have happened if she had been there. Of course, Loki was never able to think too much on that before the self-deprecation consumed him. How was she to know that Odin would _rape_ him? How was she to know that she married a monster?

            “I know,” Loki eventually said, picking up the fork beside his plate. He wasn’t hungry and the very idea of eating three pancakes made him feel ill, but Frigga was right. He hadn’t eaten much at all since he was released from the hospital three days earlier.

            Before he could start his meal, before he could force himself to take a steady breath and cut into the pancakes, Thor leaned over and took two of them, as though he could feel the anxiety that was rolling off of Loki and rescued him once more.

            And like the weak, pathetic person he was, that damn lump in his throat tightened, the tears prickling at his eyes, and before Loki knew it, he was crying, because _God_ , he couldn’t even get through breakfast now without losing control over himself. Thor reached over and placed a hand on his arm, trying to comfort him in some way, but Loki shook his head and shrugged the hand off. He loved and hated Thor – loved him for being there and hated him for having to _be_ there, as though Loki was too weak to take care of himself and he had to be his saviour.

            “Loki –”

            “No, no, I’m fine. I’m fine,” Loki forced out, ignoring how hard his voice sounded in his own ears. He angrily wiped at his tears and stabbed the pancake, tearing off a piece and stuffing it in his mouth, mechanically chewing and swallowing, not tasting.

            Silence filled the kitchen, but Loki ignored how awkward and tense it felt. He had found that he was only able to handle one thing at a time, and Loki was dealing with that now – eating, putting food into his system, and keeping it there. But as the seconds turned into minutes and the silence continued, Loki could feel himself slowly getting angrier and angrier, because he realised then that they were waiting for him to snap. They – his mother and brother – were nervous, anxious about saying or doing anything around him for fear of him falling apart. And it felt like a stab of betrayal, causing him to drop his fork and stand, the chair screeching against the floor filling the room.

            “Loki –” Frigga called, but didn’t get to finish whatever it was she was going to say before she was rudely interrupted.

            “I am _not_ fragile,” Loki snarled looking from his mother to Thor, who was staring at him with raised eyebrows, shocked that he was speaking in such a way. It occurred to him that they might not even know what he was talking about. He was basing the silence off of his own assumptions, but he couldn’t stop now. “I’m not weak –” Lie. “– and I’m tired of you treating me like I’m going to break.”

            “Oh, honey –” The sound of a knock on the front door cut off Frigga, her kind blue eyes full of pity and grief, and Loki glared back at her, hating how she was staring at him like that. “I’ll go answer the door,” She replied after a moment, her voice soft, barely audible to her sons.

            “You shouldn’t talk to her like that, Loki,” Thor said after she left. “You have no idea what she’s going through right now,” He picked up his and Loki’s plates and took them to the sink.

            Loki couldn’t help but snort at Thor’s words, emerald green eyes landing on the form of his brother, staring at him with a look of condescension. “Oh, I’m sure she isn’t feeling anywhere near as to what I’m feeling right now,” He returned bitterly, his hands shaking. Talk of what happened to him always left him feeling shaky and off-balanced.

            “You don’t know that,” Thor said, leaning against the counter. “Guilt is a powerful feeling.”

            Loki didn’t get the chance to reply – not that he even knew what he could possibly say to something like that – because right after the words left his mouth, Frigga returned with two police-officers. Her face was pale, but there was no denying the fact that she looked relieved. Loki immediately braced himself.

            “Loki, these are Detectives Romanoff and Barton. They are the ones assigned to your case,” Frigga said, introducing the two police-officers now standing in their kitchen. He tried to ignore their piercing stares, tried to ignore how his mother labelled it as _his_ case.

            Thor stepped forward, pushing himself away from the counter and moving towards them. “It’s good to see you again,” He said, shaking the woman’s hand and then the man’s. Loki furrowed his brow before realisation dawned on him. He always thought it strange how he wasn’t approached by the police while he was in the hospital. It appeared as though Thor had made it so, and Loki swallowed heavily past the lump that was rising in his throat. “I hope you have good news for us.”

            “We do,” Detective Romanoff said with a nod of her head. Her eyes then turned to Loki, his breath immediately halting. “We found your father this morning,” Loki’s heart started pounding in his chest, his fists clenching as he tried to keep his emotions in check, but to no avail. “He’s behind bars.”

            Thor placed his hand on Loki’s shoulder, as though he could sense the hysteria building, and Loki leaned into the touch, needing that strong support. He had no idea why he felt the panic rising within him, had no idea why his body shook. All he knew was that his anxiety was rising and he needed them to _go_.

            “Oh, thank goodness,” Frigga said, sighing in relief. She let out a small laugh, putting her hand on her chest, as though she could feel the load lifting from her shoulders. Of course, at the blank expressions on the two Detective’s faces, her face fell some. “What? What is it?”

            “We’re here for a testimony,” Romanoff said, her voice authorative and devoid of all emotion. Her gaze was still locked on Loki, and he could feel his jaw clenching.

            “No.”

            “Loki –” Frigga started, shock clouding over her face as she turned to look at him.

            But Loki wouldn’t hear of it. He could feel a wave of anger washing over him, his breath coming out sharply, because did they not care what he thought? "Look, all I want to do is get this past me, so I can pretend like nothing happened," Loki snapped, running a hand through his hair. He could hear the blood pumping furiously through his veins and it was enough to make his anxiety rise. They were all staring at him.

            "Loki, honey –" Frigga tried, but Loki shook his head, immediately stepping to the side when she reached for him. He wouldn’t be consoled like he was some child.

            "No-one asked me what I wanted,” His voice was getting louder, and Loki briefly wondered if it was just his fear that was causing it to rise in volume. He didn’t give it much thought afterwards, though. Their eyes were locked on him and, the more they stared, the angrier he became. “No-one asked if I wanted any of this!"

            "You didn’t ask for any of this, Loki, and we’re sorry that it’s happened to you, but the fact remains – we need that testimony to give your father a lengthy sentence," Detective Romanoff said with that cool, detached expression of hers. "That means –“

            "I know what it means!" Loki exclaimed, but he wasn't sure the woman even heard him over Thor's.

            "My brother is well aware of what –“

            "Can we all just relax, please? Let’s take a seat and discuss this," Frigga said in a soothing, placating tone, raising her hands as though she could calm the situation down with her voice alone. And Loki was sure that if they were dealing with anything but this, she probably could. But she wasn’t, so her words fell on deaf ears.

            Thor said something to Romanoff, which was followed by another comment from the detective that immediately set off another round of Thor's exuberant voice, coming to Loki’s defence. Sounds were both loud and distant, all blurring together, making his head spin and his ears ring. Loki closed his eyes and grabbed a hold of the back of the chair he was previously sitting on. Could they not tell that he was getting ready to break – and the irony of him just moments ago saying that he wouldn’t … well; it would have made him laugh if he wasn’t under such duress – into so many tiny pieces? Could they not tell that he was barely hanging on, that the situation was almost enough to have him in tears?

            "Can I have a moment alone with Loki?”

            The question, the request, silenced the arguing, causing all eyes – Loki's included – turning to Detective Barton, who had been standing off to the side. He wasn't paying them any mind, and it took Loki a moment to realise that he was actually speaking to _him_ , asking _him_ for a moment alone. 

            Too shocked to say anything, Loki merely nodded his head. 

            It took a few seconds before the others realised that they weren't wanted or needed. Thor and Frigga slowly left, obviously uncomfortable with leaving Loki alone, but they didn't say anything, which Loki was grateful for. He didn't know what he would do if they tried to interject. Detective Romanoff was the last to leave, giving her partner an indecipherable look that Barton ignored. 

            Once she was gone, he pulled out a chair and sat down. "I bet you feel like shit right now."

            "Astute observation – I wonder what gave it away," Loki snarled suddenly. He was so tired of trying to keep it together, of trying to keep his head above water. Running a hand through his hair, Loki sighed impatiently, cursing the trembling in his hand. "What do you want?"

            "What do _you_ want?" The reply came, throwing Loki off.

            "What?”

            "Well, you seem lost, probably going along with your family, because you have no idea what else to do," Barton shrugged, clasping his hands together on the table. "You've been out of the hospital for a few days now. What is it that you want?"

            "To forget," Loki found himself saying, not knowing whether he should still be furious or if he would rather break down and cry, because the lump in his throat was becoming too painful to hide.

            "Sorry, kid, but that's not going to happen."

            It only took a moment for Loki to make up his mind – he'd rather stay angry for the time being. "What the hell is that supposed to mean? How the hell would you know how I'm feeling or what I'm going through?"

            "You’re not on an island on your own here. There are other people who have been through what you’re currently going through.”

            "Well, sorry, but my friends' fathers haven't been raping them, so it’s not like I can just come out and tell them about it," Loki shot back, chest heaving in anger. He felt as though he wanted to break something. “And, for the record, I don’t appreciate you sitting in my house, talking to me like you have some clue as to how I’m feeling. You have no idea.”

            Detective Barton didn't say anything and Loki was sure that he would get up and leave or call the others back in, especially after the way he just talked to him. When that didn't happen, when all he did was roll up the sleeves of his shirt, Loki found that he was confused. Only after he took a good look at the man's left forearm did he realise what he was seeing. And just like that, the fight was knocked out of him. 

            "My brother gave this to me when I was sixteen. I was trying to run away from him when he caught me."

            "I don't …" Loki shook his head, looking from the scar to Barton. He could feel his throat constricting painfully. "Why are you showing me that?" 

            "I may know more than anyone what you're going through," Barton said, his voice quiet and meaningful. Loki held his breath, knowing that there was more, heaviness filling him, because whatever else he would say would be bad, would strike too close to home than he was comfortable with. "My parents died in a car accident when I was thirteen, so it was just my brother and I for the longest time. I was fifteen when he started touching me.”            

            Slowly sinking into the closest available seat, Loki pressed his lips together, willing himself to stay calm. He couldn’t take his eyes off of the scar that ran down the length of Detective Barton’s forearm, at the constant reminder of a horrible past that probably still haunted him after so many years. “How … does it go away?” Loki asked, finally looking up with unshed tears standing in his eyes. He needed to know.

            “In time it does.”

            Loki slowly nodded his head, swallowing thickly. “And … your brother …”

            “I don’t know,” Barton replied, leaning back in his seat. He pulled his sleeves down, hiding the scar. “I didn’t call the police, didn’t tell anyone until several years after. That was my mistake. He’s still out there somewhere and I was too afraid to put him away.”

            “Yeah,” Loki whimpered, unable to hold back the tears, unable to stop from slipping. He knew what Barton was trying to tell him, knew what he was trying to convey, and making it clear what would happen if he didn’t say anything. But he was just _scared_ and _terrified_ of what would happen if he did.

            Detective Barton seemed to realise that, because he leaned forward slowly, resting his arms overtop the table. “Loki, you’re not going to see him anymore. You don’t have to see him to give that testimony. Your voice alone will be powerful enough to put him behind bars for good. You don’t have to, though, if you don’t want to. Do you understand that?” Loki nodded his head, but didn’t say anything. He clenched his hands tightly together, willing them to stop shaking. “It’s okay to be afraid.”       

            “I just want it to end. I don’t want to do this anymore,” Loki said, choking back a sob, willing himself to calm down, only to no avail. His heart was thundering in his chest and he felt breathless. The look on Barton’s face only made him cry that much harder, because the look in his eyes wasn’t pity – it was empathy.

            A sheet of paper was put on the table and slid towards him along with a pen. “Write down what happened and it will at least be the start.”

-x- -x- -x-

            He didn’t knock like he would have normally done, choosing instead to simply walk inside the mansion and make his way down to the work-shop where he knew he’d find him. And Loki’s assumptions were correct. When he walked down into the work-shop, he found Tony leaning over one of the many work-benches, scribbling something down on a tablet, mumbling under his breath. It was a sight that was so familiar and relaxing that it had Loki smiling softly for the first time in such a long time.

            Loki didn’t say anything when he moved to one of the work-benches and hoisted himself on top of it, but he could tell that Tony knew that he was there. His head had cocked to the side and his body had involuntarily angled towards him. But he said nothing, and Loki could feel his body relaxing even more.

            Loki watched and Tony worked. That was how it was for a few hours. Only when Tony walked to the coffee-machine and poured two cups did he finally turn and meet emerald green eyes. He closed the distance between them and leaned against the work-bench where Loki was sitting, handing him a cup. Loki smiled gratefully and took it.

            He knew that Tony knew. Of course, he knew. A father raping his youngest son was just something that the police couldn’t keep hidden from pesky reporters who were standing around, waiting for a good hit that would boost their career. Word had gotten out and a few stories were broadcasted over the news, but Loki didn’t care in that moment. He was sure that Tony had questions, but Loki knew Tony, and he knew that he wouldn’t say anything, not until Loki was ready.

            So when Loki shifted closer to Tony and pressed his knee against his hip, nothing was said. And nothing was said when Tony leaned against Loki’s knee – at least, not until he turned his head, chocolate brown eyes catching emerald greens. He grinned. “I could use your help.”

            And that was when Loki knew that it was going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> This was a birthday present to a wonderful friend of mine. You'll know her here - as well as on FF - as Cassy27. If you haven't, please go check out her stories. She's an amazing author!


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